How to learn to communicate with people? We comprehend the art of effective communication. Communication problems

02.12.2020

Every day a person interacts with other people through communication. People collide with each other at school, at work, at various events. Communication plays an important role in a person's life, helping him to develop, receive certain information and experience. But what if there is a communication barrier? How to learn to communicate with people?

The reason why a person cannot start a conversation is called a barrier. Why does it arise?

First, a person's inability and lack of desire to listen to his interlocutor can act as a barrier. He tries to start his speech while the opponent is still speaking. Without the ability to listen, a person will not be able to achieve success in those areas of life where communication with people is the main link for achieving a positive result. After all, when the interlocutor constantly tries to interrupt, inserting some thought of his own, it is very confusing and annoying.

The lack of desire to listen is a slightly different problem. In this case, the opponent does not interrupt, but simply shows his complete indifference to the conversation. The reason for this may be that the person is not interested in the topic of the conversation, or he already has an opinion about the problem under discussion, and he is not going to change it.

In this case, it is necessary to remember that the interlocutor can pretend that he is interested. As a result, it turns out that a person is wasting time on this conversation. You can check if the opponent is listening to the speech. To do this, you just need to ask the question: "What do you think about this?" If a person has not heard the last of what was said, then he will not be able to express his opinion.

Second, the barrier can act as an inability to demonstrate that the person is really interested in the issue under discussion. Conversation is much easier when all of its participants like the topic of the conversation. However, if the interlocutor simply shows interest without actually having it, then the communication will not make sense. But often the fear of offending a person makes you keep silent about your indifference to this topic of conversation.
Thirdly, a lack of desire to understand the feelings of the interlocutor can be a barrier. It often happens that a person begins communication without paying attention to the opponent's mood or to what feelings this particular topic evokes in him. And this is a very important point in communication.
Fourth, the fear of opening up to them interferes with speaking to people. Usually this is fully manifested when people first met. Not every person is ready to open his soul to another, because for this you need to be confident in him and completely trust him. Although some people can tell everything about themselves at the first meeting, which is also not desirable. It is necessary to carefully talk about yourself, choosing what is worth telling and what is better to remain silent.
Fifth, the fact that people often have too different levels of development and education can interfere with the beginning of a conversation. The easiest way to interact with each other is people who have almost the same intellectual level. If the interlocutor is tall, then the opponent tries to please him somehow, to take an example from him, to acquire some skill.

The worst thing is when one person has a lower intelligence level than another. Then the interest in the conversation will be minimal, there will be no desire to support it. But even from this pattern, there are exceptions.
For example, if the interlocutor has been engaged in mental activity all day, then he is unlikely to want to talk about serious topics. Then he can easily support any casual conversation, even the most trifling one. Therefore, in this case, the opponent's intellectual level will not play any role.

Psychology of communication with people

The psychology of communication with people is based on certain rules. The best-known psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie was able to form them best. He has excellent and well-known books on communication in his arsenal, which were written back in the 1930s and 40s. At the moment, they remain as relevant.

It's important to be truly interested in other people. After all, each person believes that he is unique, therefore he wants to be interesting to society. Usually, the interlocutor is more willing to enter into a conversation with the opponent who is most interested in him. At the same time, little importance is given to what exactly he says.
You must always smile. A smile is a tool that helps to win over the interlocutor. She demonstrates the pleasure of socializing.
Do not forget about the name of your opponent, because this is the most pleasant word for any person. During the conversation, you need to name the interlocutor. The name expresses personality, which is why many people do not like it when someone calls it wrong.
It is very important to listen to the person. With this skill, the opponent shows his attention, interest in the conversation. Unfortunately, not all people know how to listen, trying to quickly break into the conversation, expressing their point of view. It is necessary to listen carefully to the interlocutor, ask him questions, show your emotions when appropriate. If, however, remember some successful phrase of the opponent, and then express it in the course of the conversation, then he will be doubly pleased and there will be no doubts about whether he was heard.
The conversation should be based on what interests both participants in the discussion. It is good if a person can define or already knows a topic that will definitely not be indifferent to the interlocutor. This will help to win over a person.
You always need to show the person that he is significant. At the same time, this must be done extremely sincerely. This is a very difficult moment in the field of communication psychology. The opponent can always feel a false interest in him, feigned admiration. Even if people prefer flattery, he can still feel some discomfort. Therefore, one should find in a person those aspects that actually seem to be unique and best, and praise him for them.

People who are distinguished by isolation are faced with the inability to step over themselves to utter a phrase to keep the conversation going. But this skill is necessary for every person as much as the ability to write and read. Psychologists have created some guidelines on how to learn to communicate with people.

You can practice well on inanimate objects. You can just talk to your furniture, for example, tell your desk how great today was and what interesting events were happening.

Experts say that such an exercise actually allows you to learn how to properly communicate with people, express your thoughts, build sentences logically, train your facial expressions and gestures. However, for many people, this idea seems crazy. In any case, you can change the furniture for a pet. For example, a dog will always faithfully listen to all the stories of its owner.

Praise is another exercise. When a person enters into a conversation, he should always try to compliment his interlocutors, highlight their special qualities and skills. Many people are embarrassed to express their feelings, but everyone knows very well that people love to be praised.

It is important to consider that kind words should be sincere, come from the heart. Do not flatter on purpose, it can be noticeable.

The best kind of exercise in how to properly communicate with people around you is direct communication with casual opponents. Make it a goal to engage in conversation with a stranger every day. For example, when you come to a grocery store, you can talk to the seller about the quality of a particular product.

Or when you need to find a specific address, you can ask random passers-by how to get to it. Also, entering the premises, you can greet the concierge affably, ask about her mood, talk about the weather, and so on. When talking with strangers, it is important to always smile. This disposes people to each other.

Facial expressions and gestures in communication

Learning to speak to people correctly is not all. It is necessary to acquire the skill of correct gestures and facial expressions. Sometimes body language speaks more than the words themselves. When the interlocutor speaks, the people around them evaluate not only speech, but also the location, movement of arms, legs, head, eyes.

In order for people to listen to speech, you must adhere to the following rules:

It is important to learn how to look at the interlocutor correctly. Sometimes a person has such a look that another gets a lump in his throat and is afraid to say something. Therefore, it is necessary to look at your opponent openly, to avert your eyes, to constantly show your interest in him. Depending on the topic on which the conversation is taking place, the view may be different. You should not look "eye to eye", this creates additional stress during communication. If the other person is trying to look you directly in the eyes, you can look in their direction, but not focusing your gaze on them. See as if through the person's face.
It is necessary to monitor your facial expressions and the facial expressions of your interlocutor. A person always expresses any emotion on his face. You can learn to recognize your partner's mood by facial expressions, as well as to express feelings yourself with the help of it.
You need to be able to determine the mood of a person by gesturing. If a person crosses his legs, presses a folder to himself, hides his hands in his pockets, then we can confidently say that he is trying to fence himself off. Then the conversation is unlikely to turn out open and interesting from the first minutes.

The pose should be open, gestures should be smooth and slow, palms open. This will indicate that the person is calm and ready to talk. Some people who are adept at using psychological techniques often use the "mirroring" method. It consists in repeating the gestures or posture of the partner after a short period of time. This technique allows people to open up better.

Communication with the people around is an integral part of a person's life. Personal development is impossible without this. To acquire communication skills, you must constantly practice it. The more a person talks to people, the faster he will lose all the holding down barriers that were in his path.

Not all people can communicate with others without problems and immediately win them over. Because of this, they can have a variety of problems and misunderstandings.

However, any, even the most sad, situation is fixable. We read further, do not stop ...

The most tender communication in the world happens between those who are not interested in communication.
Marcel Proust

Anyone who has difficulty interacting with people just needs to clearly understand all their weaknesses and start eliminating them. Today we will talk about how to carry it out correctly.

Improving our communication skills

If before you thought it was difficult to be among those with excellent communication skills, then you were very, very wrong. In fact, any problem has its own solution, often quite simple, there would only be a desire to look for it.

So, what do you need to be able to in order to make your communication with others more productive?

Know how to set specific communication tasks in relation to partners

Strive for meaningful and effective communication? Choose appropriate emotionally motivating tasks. The fact is that it is much easier to influence any person through his emotional sphere.

Of course, you shouldn't show your emotions too violently, it may not show you your best side, but the ability to establish emotional contact has always been the main characteristic of the best communicators. Therefore, determine what kind of result you want to get from the conversation and determine the desired emotions.

Learn to ignore psychological barriers

Internal barriers arise in the process of communication quite often, and everything would be fine, but they are one of the main obstacles to fruitful communication. But so that nothing bothers you, concentrate on what is important to you in the process of communication.

Know how to manage the communication process

Forget for a while about the logical steps in communication - if you are constantly busy with the miscalculation of the need for this or that action, then you simply will not have time to achieve the goal that you have set for yourself.

Of course, the first time you are unlikely to be able to "feel" the communication, at first you simply cannot do without training. But then you can easily understand the mood of your interlocutor and figure out whether he is making contact with you without any problems.

Know how to be charming

Of course, you have repeatedly come across people who, without any problems, get everything they need from communication, and all thanks to their charisma. You don't need to think that charisma is an exclusively innate quality, it is quite possible to develop it, for this you should let your imagination fly free and free your inner life.

Learn to remove psychophysical clamps

Shackled or overly cheeky body movements will immediately signal your interlocutor about the presence and you have psychophysical clamps. He may not be able to clearly identify the nature of your condition, but he will immediately understand that something is wrong with you. Accordingly, the success of your communication will be a big question. So relax and, of course, exercise.

Learn to listen and hear the interlocutor

Learn to listen to your intuition

All people are different, which means that you need to communicate with them in completely different ways. It will not be possible to choose one communication tactic and follow it throughout your life - it will have to be changed depending on the situation and on what kind of person is in front of you.

Learn to monitor your voice and diction

They must be clear and calm, otherwise you simply will not be able to build a constructive dialogue.

Know how to observe others

Are there people among your acquaintances who can be called almost geniuses of communication? Then feel free to watch and imitate them. You can, of course, not do this, but it is much more difficult to achieve success solely by the method of your own trial and error.

Speak More

This is especially useful for those who often feel embarrassed. Of course, each of us can find ourselves in an unfamiliar and not quite pleasant company, in which you don't even want to talk at all, but what if you are constantly shy?

In this case, it is best to start conversations on abstract topics about which everyone can speak: about gas prices, about the weather, or about the ubiquitous traffic jams. Ask a question and let the other person speak.

Know how to communicate more often and with different people

There are always a lot of people around us with whom you can talk - from the employees of your office to the cashier in the supermarket. Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with them - you will gain invaluable experience of communication in different styles and can increase your self-confidence.

Outcome

Remember that we all once learned something, and those people who now admire your ability to communicate did not always possess it either.

The main thing is to expand your social circle, this will force you to look for new ideas and ways to communicate, and then the result will come by itself.

Anna Basis

Interaction with other people takes up a significant part of every person's life. For some, communication is not a particular problem, for others it is so difficult that they prefer to avoid contact. However, it is better to learn the rules and become more confident in yourself to increase the effectiveness of communication than to spend life as a hermit.

How not to be afraid to communicate with people

A common cause of communication difficulties is fear. This is the fear of being misunderstood, of saying stupidity, at which “everyone will laugh,” fear of the negative reaction of others. As a rule, this cause has deep roots that go back to childhood. In this case, it is recommended to remember under what conditions the phobia was formed, to analyze the situation.

Effective communication: how to become an interesting conversationalist

Difficulties arise simply because you have nothing to say. Answer honestly: can you interest yourself? Do you know a lot and are you able to keep up the conversation? Do you have any hobbies and interests? If you answered “yes” to even the last question, then it's not so bad. On the contrary, because you have a chance to communicate with people online on forums dedicated to the topic of interest. This has several advantages at once:

there will be no fear
it is easier to communicate among like-minded people,
if you are an expert, then your opinion will be listened to and respected, and this always has a positive effect on self-esteem.

In the future, this communication can be continued in real life.

To understand how to learn how to easily and simply communicate with people, at least there should be a topic for communication. Learn something new every day, develop yourself, form your own opinion about events. Discuss the last book you read, the movie you liked with your loved ones - share your emotions and thoughts.

Do not be afraid to say nonsense - you will be surprised, but people constantly do it, serving under the sauce of confidence in their own righteousness, therefore they inspire confidence among others.

How to communicate freely: 4 exercises

The first basic rule is a good mood. Nobody likes to hang out with whiners and nerds. Therefore, negative emotions on others should not be taken out. Create a mood for yourself - start the morning with a smile to the reflection in the mirror, a delicious breakfast, your favorite music. Stop complaining and learn to see more good things.

Learn to understand other people without words. Guess the emotions on the faces of passers-by, determine what a person with a particular facial expression might feel. Here, training in front of a mirror can also help - portray different feelings and watch how facial expressions change.

This is important, because the intonation of the same phrase depends on how it will be perceived.

Sign up for a public speaking course. Even if you don't have to perform in public (although communication, in fact, is such a performance), you will learn how to correctly structure phrases and express thoughts.

How to communicate correctly: what does psychology teach?

Even if you have not had basic communication skills since childhood, they can be developed.

What should you pay attention to, that it has become easier to communicate with people?

Development of confidence. Self-confidence is a sign of a successful person, and such people attract the attention of others, arouse interest and a desire to communicate.
Endear. An easy way to build confidence in the other person is to look in the eyes when communicating. If a person looks away, this may indicate that he is lying, and this is recognized on a subconscious level. Eye contact has a hypnotic effect. At the same time, remember that too long a gaze can be regarded as aggressive behavior, a challenge, therefore it is extremely important to control the timbre of the voice and intonation during a conversation.
Address the interlocutor by name. For a person, there is no sound more pleasant than his own name. This is how we are made.
Correct conversation. Ask questions that can be answered in detail, as well as supplemented with additional questions. Here, too, it is important not to overdo it - so that the dialogue does not resemble an interrogation.
Don't be afraid of rejection. Communication difficulties can be caused by fear of rejection, which reinforces pre-existing self-doubt. Take it for granted - any answer is a result. Refusal is just a reason to look for another solution to the problem. It should not affect your self-esteem in any way - at least, you do not know the true reasons why the interlocutor did not agree. The feeling of fear limits a person. For motivation, watch the movie Always Say Yes with Jim Carrey.

How to learn to communicate with people - Carnegie book

Dale Carnegie's advice is a classic in communication psychology. People who are faced with communication problems find answers in them. These are effective and simple recommendations that will help you establish contact with any (adequate) person.

Don't set yourself the goal of learning how to communicate with people in a week or a month. It may take much longer, but you will notice small changes after a few “practice” conversations. Treat this like a homework assignment that needs to be done. At the same time, keep yourself relaxed, without unnecessary emotions that indicate anxiety.

December 18, 2013 2:04 pm

Why are some people able to find a common language in a matter of minutes without any problems and win the trust of completely strangers, while others are unable to come to an agreement even with their relatives? There is only one answer to this question: these people have different communication skills.

One of the most powerful and yet simple ways to improve your communication skills can be summed up in just one phrase - be a good listener.

Listening is about not just closing your mouth so that the other person has time to insert a few phrases. You should really be attentive and interested in listening to other people's words. This will not only help you connect, but it is also a great way to show respect for the other person.

When people feel this way about themselves, it immediately changes the atmosphere of your relationship. Just think about how great you felt when someone listened intently to you while you enthusiastically talked about an important event for you.

All people want to be heard. By giving them this opportunity, you will immediately make many friends. Just don't pretend: follow the story, ask clarifying questions, respond to key points. Sometimes this is not so easy, especially if your interlocutor does not shine with oratory.

In addition to listening, there are a few other tips that can help you improve your communication skills.

1. Never interrupt

This shows a real lack of respect. Interrupting someone, you explicitly signal to him: "I don't care what you say, I have to say much more important things."

2. Never finish someone else's sentence.

Yes, human thought is far ahead of the possibilities of speech, and sometimes you just want to help the interlocutor express the thought. By doing this, you will not help, but show your doubts about the mental and oratorical abilities of a person and cause only a feeling of annoyance in response. So you better bite your tongue at times like these.

3. Paraphrase

If you want to show that you really understood someone, then simply repeat the key thought of the other person. Before agreeing to anything or protesting, simply record your understanding of what you heard. Half of the world's misunderstandings are due to the fact that people think one thing, say another, and listeners understand the third.

4. Listen actively

As noted above, your activity as a listener is of particular importance. Show your interest in the story, give a response to the narrator, and the interlocutor's gratitude will not keep you waiting.

5. Maintain eye contact

Do not look away at extraneous things, but focus on the speaker. Looking the other person in the eye will tell them that you are interested in their story. Stop all your activities and try not to be distracted.