Adultery, and how to understand whether it will happen again

Adulteryand how to understand whether it will happen again? Your husband cheated on you, but he asks your forgiveness and swears that he will never do it again. How can you tell if this is true or not? How to know if your husband cheats serial fraud - or not. You want to restore confidence and save your marriage, but the constant suspicion is eating you. Spend all your energy watching his actions, trying to find any hint that he is still wrong or that he will be deceiving again. How can you restore your relationship when you are so afraid that your spouse is deceiving you again?

Suspicion after his infidelity is normal. But some suspicions are valid, while others are not at all.

These clear signs will help you understand whether your husband will be able to change and become worthy of your trust again, or he is a consistent fraud in the process of your relationship.

Option number 1 - no regrets.  If he doesn’t even apologize, this is a very bad sign. If he doesn’t show any remorse and tries to blame you (blaming you for not satisfying his needs or not enough care), he probably plans to dissolve the marriage, or plans the next novel for himself.

The quality of the apology is another sure sign. If he just said “sorry” a couple of times, or to avoid the topic, saying: “I already said, I’m sorry, so let's not start the conversation again”, it becomes clear that he really doesn’t regret their actions or not taking full responsibility for their actions.

On the other hand, if he recognizes the humiliation and pain that he caused you, recognizing that he did wrong and saying that he fully supports the idea of ​​preserving marriage - he is unlikely to become a serial cheater, it is not the norm for him.

Option number 2 - does not listen to you.
  Is he ready to listen to how you feel after his betrayal? Even if you repeat the same thing that you said yesterday? Would you like to see your pain and emotions?

If not, if he runs away from every conversation about what happened, this is a bad sign. This means that he does not want to feel guilty, which means he can do it again.

If it is secretive, and a constant lie, hiding information or otherwise less open, then maybe something is happening behind the scenes so far?

Option number 3 - refused to end the relationship with the other.  This one is pretty obvious: if he changes with another woman for a long time and refuses to reduce contact with her (as a rule, using all kinds of excuses like “I work with her every day”, “I lose my job”, “she threatens to hurt herself” and etc.), this is a very bad sign that he plans to continue to change while he decides whether to stay married to you or not. This situation requires an ultimatum if you want your husband to make a choice.

Option number 4 - high sexual desire
  According to the study, the second most common reason for men to fool (the first is the lack of emotional attention) is the amount of sex in marriage (not quality). Some people have a very high sex drive, while others are less interested in a lot of sex.

If your husband wants all the time and is constantly disappointed with the amount of sex, then it’s more likely that he will cheat again.

If you still love your husband, but sex doesn't interest you much anymore, this article will show you what to do.

Option number 5 - he has the right
  Some people just think that they have the right to cheat. Their general opinion about the role of men and women, about their role in society and their cultural background leads them to believe that they have the right to deceive. This type, most likely, is deceiving and does not feel any remorse or guilt about their actions (remember option number 1?)

Option number 6 - he has concerns about work.
  This sign is a little confusing, but no less true. If your husband is suffering from anxiety about work or sexual anxiety and has low self-esteem, then he is more likely to become a serial cheater. The type of adultery in this case is probably not more than one meeting or paid sex, because these women do not care about him, and, therefore, he does not have to prove anything to them.

In a strange way, but in reality this is a sign that he still cares about you, he is exhausted from feeling inadequate in bed and frustrating the woman he loves.

Option number 7 - this incident attracts you too
  Pay special attention, this is the most important message in this article.

If the two of you (this means that you, too) do not take the necessary steps to restore confidence, restore integrity and do not solve the issues that led to this crisis in the relationship, then I guarantee that he will cheat AGAIN.

If you don’t fix a flat tire, the car will eventually stop.

If your relationship does not develop for the better, it is only a matter of time before it changes again.

Do not try to do it yourself. I have seen too many couples who fall into an endless circle of anger and indignation, caught in the chains of suspicion and pain, until they had no choice but to end the relationship.

It is better to seek professional help outside of marriage and consult if there was a place to be, but you want to save the marriage.

Whatever you do, just do it now, before it’s too late.

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Hello, friends in misfortune! I want to tell you my story! when we met, I was 28 years old, and she was 23. She had a daughter 3 years. We fell in love with each other at first sight, despite the fact that she has a child, I decided to connect my life with this girl and become a dad for the girl. Her former did not like her, cheated, drank and put her hands to her, so living together for her was hell, they lived in a civil marriage. Because of the betrayal of her ex, she decided to take revenge and sleep with his brother. So she did. And as she told me, when she went to bed with her, she had tears because of what she did. In general, they parted. And when I met her, I presented a gift-dress for my daughter's birthday. She was delighted how attentive and caring I am. A native biological father did not even bother to call and congratulate. In general, I offered my live together. the candy bouquet period was not long since we loved each other. At the beginning of 2-3 months, everything was fine. Sex every day, she cooked for me, cleaned the house, I could not get enough of her, and was sincerely proud of her. We lived a civil marriage. Then she began to show me her character, hysteria, offended by the fact that I speak her warm words and did not have enough attention to her. And I studied as a doctor and worked as a nurse for nights. I was tired, she sometimes felt sorry for me. By nature I am a gentle person, prudent and calm, not jealous, but on the contrary, she is impulsive, emotional, but she quickly cooled down after hysterics. Although she often confessed to me and her friends how lucky she was with me, because I was the complete opposite of her ex. She was jealous of me on any occasion, threw up hysterics, I endured everything, reassured me that I was a faithful husband. We decided to conceive a common child. Could not a whole year, as it was after the spiral (I personally removed from her). Propyl pills, which improves the composition of sperm, because in principle it should not be a problem. Finally, she became pregnant. Happiness knew no bounds. And during the whole pregnancy I suffered all her emotional and hormonal surges. And so that the child was not born out of wedlock, we decided to register our marriage, everything went smoothly, gave birth to my son. I was happy. Began diapers, and so on. I had to leave school and work day and night, for a day and a half, so that we would be well off. And here she is on the verge of moral exhaustion decided to create a page in classmates and chat with the guys. I found out about it and asked her to stop it, in response she said that she was just talking and she was bored in four walls. I felt sorry for her and resolved, sort of like for her all this game. For the time being, it didn’t annoy me. She ceased, but at times she went on secretly. We already had sex less often due to my night shifts and day work. And so the son began to walk, I went with him to my mom for the summer, I went to my grandmother, and mine went to another city for advanced training. All anything, missed, called up. My vacation was over, my arrived, there was hot sex, I was hungry for it. She seems to be too. And then I do not call the familiar number. Her old friend called and was silent in the phone. I did not attach importance. And then my decided to go to the lake with friends. And I could not because of work. I wanted to call my own and could not get through. I called her friends, with whom she went to rest. And then the deception began to quietly get out. these friends were at work. It turns out she went with other friends. Upon arrival, she explained that she had to deceive, otherwise I would not let go with these friends, as they like to drink. Then I decided to install through the operator a program that records SMS and calls and sends it to the Internet. Then I was horrified. It turns out she accidentally drunk cheated on me in another city when she was studying. After long tears and snot, I forgave her, it never happens to anyone, although I was always faithful to her. And just recently, her sister said that she wanted another sim card, that she was tired, that I controlled her all the time. and then I thought to go all on the same site and there was no limit to my chagrin, I listened to a telephone conversation with another guy, and the number was written in the name of her podougi, who likes to drink. That guy asks mine, they say they miss me, my answer to him, and what do you think and said that I control her, want to meet through her own friend, as I check her calls and SMS. And mine at this moment went to her grandmother. I could not resist and called his and began to sort out the attitude. He swears and swear that he will not repeat again, so I bought a new SIM card and it will delete all numbers and delete all profiles on the Internet, because it will not be able to live without me, if I divorce it, it will lay hands on itself that only loves me. like this. Now I think whether to give her a second chance. Not for nothing they say, forgiveness for the first time is wisdom, the second time is magnanimity, and the third is stupidity. And I feel sorry for the children, although she is mean to me. I'm tired of constantly monitoring her calls, so I think she's been cheating on me all this time. And if I forgive, then this may continue or recur. advise me what to do?

When I write that I married without love, this does not mean that I am a sort of selfish and thoughtful bitch who enjoyed the high feelings of her first husband. I assure you, there was no more self-interest than love. And there was a lot of foolishness, inexperience, desire to “sniff” a real adult life and run away from mom, whose relations at that time resembled the relations of our liberals with the people. In the sense that she considered me a juvenile idiot who was not capable of the simplest brain activity, but I sincerely wondered what the hell she needed from me and on what basis she thought she had the right to control me.

At the time of marriage, I was certainly a young, inexperienced and not very clever girl, with a burden of adventurism. At the same time there was no cynicism in me, on the contrary, my head was filled with a bunch of read literature, mostly classical, thanks to the literary gymnasium and the old-time library. But with all this, I have never been too romantic. On the contrary, from the very pink childhood I felt bad characters. Something very attractive saw me in negative heroines. Well, what chances could there have been, for example, in a sluggish and anemic Constance, now and then fainting, contrary to the energetic and enterprising Milady? Yes, none, which Dumas proved by allowing Milady to poison Constance at their first meeting. Or, for example, the sickly Sonechka Marmeladova or the stupid and exalted Natasha Rostov? What kind of heroine? And here, Nastasya Filippovna, twirling her lovers with her fans and throwing bundles of bills into the fireplace - yes! It is beautiful, bright and not without tragedy. And my craving for tragedy is my scourge, as I have repeatedly written about.

No, I respected my husband very much. He was interesting to me as an interlocutor, I was quite well with him in bed, and I honestly tried for a very long time to convince myself that this is the very love that the classics wrote about in their imperishable works. And the fact that the heart does not stop, butterflies in the stomach do not flutter, it's the little things in life, and in general, artistic metaphors. But in real life it does not happen. Love is friendship and sex, I derived the formula of love, and honestly tried to follow the chosen position. It is clear that life punished me for my Caliostra habits, but it happened much later.

And in that period of my life, I sincerely built my marriage based on these simple thoughts. But now, my favorite craving for adventurism, and the ineradicable desire to do stupid things, as always, spoiled everything. I don’t understand how in those years I sometimes managed to do smart things, except according to the theory of probability. On nine idiocy accounted for one sensible act, no more. However, I was always lucky (pah-pah-pah), and all my frills went without consequences.

So, I'm about treason. I was married for about a year. By and large, everything suited me. But the awl in the ass is a diagnosis, and I have it chronic. In short, somehow I went to visit my friend Tanke (the very inadequate girl, but then Tanya did not reach the apotheosis of her idiocy, and I normally communicated with her). We sat with her, rattled about life, drank something. Then her boyfriend Joseph came, concurrently, my husband's best friend, and we moved to his apartment, where no one else lived next to him. Naturally, taking alcohol. We booze, talked, in general, did not do anything that we did many times before. Well, somehow, word for word. Either Joseph was in shock and Cicero popped out of him, or the dose of alcohol turned out to be critical, or the stars came together like this ... In short, Joseph intelligently separated us for a threesome. Well, yes, this is my karma. If we change her husband, the only way - by drunk, by stupidity, with the best friend of her husband, his girlfriend and in the format of group sex. So what? Then you and the scope, and tragedy, and idiocy even more than enough. Absolutely in my spirit.

The process itself, to be honest, disappointed me greatly. Not only was I completely and completely hopelessly heterosexual, and Tanya as a supplement did not cause me any special emotions, distracting the man from my person, so also Joseph as a lover did not impress me much. So even nothing to tell. I was drunk and it was fun. No more.

Awareness of the offense covered me on the way home. I remember, I'm going to a taxi and from myself, forgive, oh-huh. Now it would be if I had the opportunity to repeat a similar feat, most likely, I would simply write it off as an “annoying mistake” and try to forget everything, like a bad dream. But then (I repeat) I was young and in the most powerful illusions. In my head, the read highly artistic works struggled with common sense, and common sense, because of its insignificance, was hopelessly lost. And in general, the only conclusion I made was in the pretentious phrase "How can I live in a lie? No, living in a lie is mean and vile! I have to tell my husband and this holy man everything!"

The holy man was blessed with the truth of life immediately after my arrival home. Alcohol reliably turned off all the beginnings of the mind in me, but added the distance and the desire to cut the truth and confess.

I cheated on you! - not without pathos, I dumped it on my husband. - Sorry, actually I love you, but it turned out that I got drunk and perspala with Joseph and Tanya.

And froze in the pose of a repenting harlot Mary Magdalene. In fact, having received the opportunity to satisfy my craving for tregy, I became so included in the image of a fallen woman that I even found a certain pleasure in it. Here you and Nastasya Filippovna, and Anna Karenina, and even, somewhere, Milady (in terms of special meanness, since cheating with your best friend is a particularly painful blow).

My husband digested the information for some time, after which, quite expectedly, he fell into a rage. His speech was intricate and emotional. He even seemed to have tried to slap me in the face (although at the last moment he stopped and replaced this act of violence by simply shaking my shoulders a couple of times). My inner actress caught her benefit. In the image of a repentant sinner, I was irresistible. I stoically, with a sad and guilty face, meekly listened to the angry speech of my husband and presented myself as a victim of circumstances. Well, what was there to say? All my arguments "oh, damn it, it turned out, I didn’t want" and "sorry, I got drunk" I gave out right away, but I didn’t have any more arguments. When my husband was exhausted and began to pause, I modestly and doomedly issued a reply:

Can I please collect my things tomorrow? And then it's late, I'm drunk, and in general, somehow my mother bother at such a time ...

Which things? - the husband was amazed, having broken away from incriminations and reproaches.

Well, the clothes are there, and so on ...

In the sense of?

Well, you will not forgive me? - in turn, I was amazed. - I understand, it is impossible to forgive treason. Are we divorcing? So I’ll just spend the night, so that I don’t ride at night?

And here my husband made the biggest mistake. In general, I think that if before this our marriage had a chance, then the reaction issued by my husband simply crossed out this chance irrevocably. He was scared. Moreover, he was so scared that he let me know how much he was not ready to part with me. He turned white, then reddened, panicked in his eyes. Then he blurted out something like "what the hell divorce" and disappeared into the kitchen. Where he hung up at midnight, smoking and reflecting on the problems of being.

And I calmly went to sleep. Because at that very moment I realized that this person will forgive me everything.

Do not think that I am proud of this fact of my biography. Although, by and large, I do not suffer from a special feeling of guilt. Yes, "it happened" - this is my life credo to this day. But I made some conclusions for myself. First, you never have to admit to treason. And secondly, you never have to show your weakness to a person, otherwise they will sit on your neck.

Well, now, I am ready to accept mud, public censure, words of support, advice, accusations and compliments. In short, who wants to say something, please do not hesitate)))