Situation: the family has three children. The oldest is 7 years old, the middle one is 5, the youngest is 3 years old. And everyone loves to drown too much. Crying literally for any reason. How to disaccustom them from this bad habit?
Overly whiny children are for various reasons, and depending on these reasons, you need to approach them differently. Sometimes (and adults think that always), tearfulness for children is a means to achieve the fulfillment of their demands and whims. Of course, in this case the elders should fight back against such a bad habit. It is possible and should punish “howler” for mocking tears, ridicule them or at least completely ignore the demonstrative “roar”.
Finally, it also happens like this: the baby is crying more than other children simply because it is more sensitive, susceptible, with a weak type of nervous system. Usually such children are obedient, gentle, affectionate; in games with other children, they are often inferior, they are easy to arouse in sympathy for someone else's grief, etc. They themselves cry more often than others because they are more likely to suffer any offense, injustice, and failure. Perhaps it is not necessary to fight with such tearfulness: ridicule, punishment will only hurt the child, “dry his heart”. By the way, such children cry for any reason, often in order “to be pitied, they are especially in dire need of the caress of their elders and seek it (notice, not whims, not satisfy their excessive whims, but just caress the father or mother!) Tears. And one should not consider such children to be pampered, inferior: their tears are a sign of future character traits that every person needs - sensitivity and responsiveness.
What to do to wean the child to cry for any reason?
The most universal answer to children's tears is a soft, tender smile, a mockery. Penalties for tears are permissible only when you are sure that you are dealing with an ordinary caprice, with sighted, feigned tears. Of course, you need to take into account the age of children. And, of course, in a family with many children, it is necessary to create an attitude towards tears as a weakness that is permissible for the youngest children or in really serious cases.
All mothers, without exception, know this state of their own children, when he or she, regardless of gender, aches without stopping. How to wean a child to whine, I would like to know each parent. I really want to avoid irritation caused by unwarranted whining and all the extreme measures that follow this state. It seems that the child specifically forces his guardians to use radical measures in the form of angle and deprivation of all sorts of pleasures. The measures taken in the inflated state help a little and practically do not bring any benefit at all.
Before punishing a child for frequent nagging, it is necessary to determine the cause of the baby’s anxiety.The punishment is followed by a new wave of moaning, accompanied now by the claims that are “legitimate” from the child’s point of view that the parents, the poor, do not like him at all and only punish him, and for no reason at all. Chadushko safely forgets at that moment what caused the punishment or restriction on life's pleasures, and behaves like an unjustly offended evil fate of a little man.
At such moments, the “aggressor” (and concurrently a loving parent) begins to really feel like a monster incapable of objective judgments and quality education. Anyone faced with constant children's whining, the teacher will say that this phenomenon does not give vitality and can exhaust even cleaner than any physical work.
What factors can cause chronic nagging?
Comparison and listing of the reasons most often used by children to “turn into a nightmare” the lives of adults nearby will help to determine the world of children's whims and understand the difference in the reasons for whining a five-year-old and a two-year-old baby. Identify these phenomena easily. Often the aggravation in terms of meaningless moaning begins at the moment when grandparents come to visit. Why? The fact is that sometimes the cause of whims is precisely the lack of communication and affection.
The child wants every member of the family to love and please the little egoist. And if this does not happen - immediately tears and tantrums How to wean a child to cry for any reason, if parents, who are constantly busy with their work and housework, consider if the child is dressed, shoed and fed - this is enough for the correct educational process? An, no. Little child still wants love. And, not in a dosed quantity, but without an edge and measure, to be caressed on all sides, crumpled with loving hands to the state of dough, literally stifled by half of parental kisses.
And this is not fiction: after all, children feed on love, it is necessary for them for proper development and normal spiritual maturity. Have you ever noticed that the baby bypasses everyone at home and literally collects kisses?
Let's just say that a child should be 25 hours a day, one hundred percent sure that not only mom and dad love him, this goes without saying, but the whole Universe too. Only then is the chadushka enough, and there are fewer reasons for the roar. A little bit about the fact that in addition to the lack of love makes the baby or the lad cry - these may be the following factors:
- painful condition;
- lack of attention;
- mood;
- inability to occupy themselves without the help of adults;
- longing for close people;
- pampered;
- a way to achieve your goal;
- desire to appear small;
- trait.
Even a little man can have a bad mood. It seems to parents that he purposefully rubs his nerves. But can just come up with an interesting activity for the kid? Hidden diseases
It sometimes happens that a constantly whining kid, especially if he still does not know how to speak and cannot correctly answer your questions like “where is Vava”, you just need to examine. Take him to a doctor for a checkup.
It is possible that the child just hurts. Children, as well as adults, are able to hurt, it is clear to everyone, so you should not let everything take its course, considering that the baby is just being naughty. It is better to exclude for a start more serious reasons and only then start to be brought up.
Lack of attention
Often, the concepts of an adult and a child about the "dosage" of love diverge dramatically. If it seems to us, big people, that our baby is completely satisfied in terms of games and petting, in fact this may not be the case. Do not be indignant to say that there is not enough time for everything. Sometimes it is enough and half an hour per day specifically allocated to the interests of the child, so that he feels important and necessary.
The child needs to communicate with parents and playing together. And you need to deal not only with what parents consider necessary, but also with important, in the opinion of the child, chores, for example, reading books or blowing bubbles It is here about the game and the communication of eyes in the eye without any distractions such as the phone. Hand on heart, we admit to ourselves honestly that sometimes the majority of parents communicate with the computer screen more often than with their own children.
Our small (and not so much) crumbs are also subject to the influence of weather factors, geomagnetic storms and other “natural evil”. A child is not worse than an adult, the mood may deteriorate from boredom or a roughly spoken word. No need to assume that the baby does not understand anything, and he can say anything.
Paying attention to the mental attitude of the child and choosing expressions in conversations with him, one can avoid many unpleasant tricks on his part. Do not make him cry, humiliating rude expressions. In other words, respect your child, yes you will be respected.
Inability to properly build your leisure
Many kids and even older children, for example, five-year-olds, can not properly use their free time. Left alone with themselves, the children start to get bored and then adhere to adults with the same question that sounds something like this:
- Mom, well, ma-a-m, what can I do? So as long as the mommy brought out of patience does not shout at the child or put him in a corner. How to wean? There is, of course, an alternative solution - to play with the child and he will stop crying, but this is not always possible due to total employment.
Pampered
Sometimes the reason why a child begins to cry is an ordinary lack of upbringing, it is easier to say spoiled. In unnecessarily pampered children, a character appears in the character, which does not allow him to remain calmly on the sidelines.
Such a kid needs to be constantly in the center, he needs close attention of adults and round-the-clock participation and service to his little person. Here parents should not complain, because such behavior of children is a direct result of their connivance and permissiveness.
The kid is trying to beg a new toy by whining? Stop it right away. At a younger age it is hard to resist tears in the eyes, but in the future, the ability to negotiate purchases will save a lot and budget and nerves As a way to achieve your goal
For example, 7, 8, 9-year-old youths are quite capable of deliberately acting on the nerves of their parents, buzzing and howling:
- Nobody loves me poor and does not buy me anything. Vaughn, Tanka has a new phone, but I don’t have any at all. If babies at 4-5-6 years old are only able to cry and beg for toys, then with age, the methods of influence remain the same, but the needs increase.
Grow not only year. This is especially noticeable in terms of money spending. What to do? It is best to try to cope with the habit of whining at a younger age, this will help to avoid financial collapse when the child grows up. Do not forget that soon the bad habit will add the harmfulness of adolescence and hypertrophied sensibility. It turns out very explosive mixture.
Longing to stay small
Unreasonable tears, as well as deliberately infant behavior, often manifest themselves in those children in whose family younger brothers or sisters appeared. Up to this point, everything was great, parents were always happy to play, but here everything changes in an instant, and the kid more often hears phrases like “do it yourself”, “sit quietly”, “you are already big” and so on. What nerves can take it? Naturally, he is trying with all his might to turn his family life into the usual course and to prove to everyone that he is still quite small and also needs care and help.
What should parents do?
Excluded
- Give in to lacrimal manipulations and go on about a small crybaby. Children quickly realize that the desired goal can be achieved with tears and cry.
- Do not pay attention to tears. It is impossible to ignore a crying child, since the problem remains unsolved. Leaving the baby alone with tears will only aggravate the situation.
- It is not recommended to scream, call names, use physical methods. “Shut up or I'll put you in the corner”, “Stop yelling!”, “Now the evil policeman will take you away.” These phrases are often used by parents, but none of them helps to correct the problem. In this case, adults themselves begin to manipulate children, and very aggressively. As a result, the child only goes into itself, harbors a grudge or is subject to fear. And he can start crying even harder.
- No need to suppress emotions, forbidding crying. Regular suppression of natural emotional manifestations leads to nervous disorders.
Scolding, punishing and blackmailing are the worst methods of “interacting” with a crybaby How correct?
- It is important to learn to respond calmly to crying. When an adult cry joins the tears of a child, a total hysterical drama is obtained. Calm and silence will help in case of baby pressure. He will understand that tears will not be able to achieve the desired and calm down.
- Adopting a sensitive and emotional baby. He is what he is. It is not necessary to focus on his tearfulness, try to praise for kindness.
- Learn to switch the interest of the whining child. If something has offended him, upset or hurt, then you need to try to distract from the children's trouble. Find him an interesting occupation and the baby will forget about the reason for the disorder.
- When a child is ill, it is necessary to be close, to show sympathy and support by personal example. In this way we teach children adequate behavior in a difficult situation. Small children require adults to pay attention to their troubles: “Have pity”, “Stroke”, “Sit next to”.
- If a child is naughty, demands the impossible, then you need to calmly and without aggression explain to him that crying will not help: "I understand you, but I can not fulfill your demand." It is necessary to learn to recognize provocations and to explain to the child that crying only upsets, and does not help to knock out the desired.
- At the end of the day, you can take stock and praise the child for the day spent without the whims and crying. You can give the baby homemade medals and count how many they have turned out. In this case it is impossible to blame, we fix only positive results.
- In some cases, it is worth reviewing your parental views. Sometimes a child reacts to the adult world with tears, since he cannot express his emotions and feelings otherwise.
So, in order to learn how to cope with children's tantrums and crying, you need to know your child better, in some cases it is useful to change the parental style of upbringing.
Question: Hello! The baby is crying for any reason. My daughter is 4 years old. Taking away from the garden - crying. Please remove things - crying. He asks for something to help her - and sobs again. Tried in a good and bad way. Nothing helps. He promises that he will not, and everything is repeated again.
Our family is complete. We treat each other well: love and respect.With dad there is nothing like that. She does everything herself. Even if he asks for something, he never cries.She has more time with her dad. When she is with me, she has to go about her business without me, as I conduct private lessons with children, and she plays alone in her room. This is a weekend, and on other days she is in kindergarten.She goes to kindergarten with pleasure for the third year already, she also talks to everyone there and has a great time. She herself tells me this, and the teacher too. And as soon as I come to pick her up, she starts to cry. I ask: "Why?". Says: "I will not do it again!"
My dad has a shift schedule, and he can stay at home during the week and spend the whole day together while I'm at work. But from the garden I always try to pick it up early, since we still go to the dances and to prepare for school (by the way, also with pleasure).
We tried and explained that it was possible without tears, and scolded, and took the belt, and put it in a corner. In the corner he stands and sobs, runs out every ten minutes and says: “Can I tell you how to behave? I understood everything!".
Everyone's nerves are already at the limit. Help me please.Thanks for the answer. Kseniya
Anastasia Komarova, psychologist, answers:
Hello, Xenia. Reading your letter, you feel how you are worried about your daughter and want to help her, as well as your confusion, what to do. Let's try to figure out how you can help in your situation.
As far as I understand, besides the garden, your daughter also attends dances and preparation for school. In this regard, I have a question: how many times a week do she have for preparing for school, how many hours, what classes, in what form do they take?
The fact is that the age of 4-5 years is primarily the age of games through which the child learns the rules that are accepted in society, social relations, what is “good” and “bad” and so on. At this age the personal qualities of the child are actively formed, but learning skills are difficult for them, especially if the classes are held in the form of a class-lesson system. A child of 4-5 years old is not ready either psychologically or physiologically for such activities.
There is a time for everything: the preschool age is for games and through them the child develops, and 6 years is preparing for school.
It’s no wonder that children are taken to school from the age of 7, and not earlier. It is possible that the psyche of your daughter, even though she likes classes, is overloaded on them. This can be associated with a constantly reduced mood, and any problem, even the smallest, is perceived as VERY large, which is difficult to handle.
In addition, as far as I understood, there are no such problems with dad. And therefore, something in your relationship with your daughter. Most likely, she lacks your active communication, a sense of significance for you. Let's see how much time you have for good communication with each other? All day she is in the garden, then you pick her up and take her to classes, after them, I suppose, supper and sleep. And at the weekend, you have a job, and she is alone in her room. And papa may not be in the garden, and plays with her. And with him she does not cry. I think that you need to establish closer contact with your daughter.
What is useful to do if the child cries for any reason:
- See the load of the daughter.
If the load is really large, it is possible to exclude preparation for school and move courses to an older age. Then the psychological burden will decrease and there will be time for communication with each other.
- More often (at least 10 times a day), hug and kiss your daughter, while talking about your love, how it is dear to you, how happy you are that you have such a daughter.
This should be done not only when you want something from a child, but just like that, passing by, when she plays, when you go somewhere together. The fact is that quite often we think about how dear a child is to us, but we rarely talk about it. More often we tell the child what we don’t like about him. And the child is postponed that he is bad, unnecessary, insignificant for the parent. Very good first time for yourself to fix, how many times you do it. Then the habit is developed, and it is not necessary to write down.
- Make it a rule: 30 minutes a day (no less) do what your daughter wants with her daughter.
Here are some examples of activities with the child.
Magic carpet
Choose a place in the room where it would be convenient to tell funny stories.
Put a bath mat or small rug there and call it "magic carpet". Sit on it with your baby.
Let the baby close his eyes and imagine that he is going to Wonderland. Of course, he must be one of the heroes of the tale. Start with the words: “Tonight our carpet-plane will fly ...” After that, the child continues the phrase, choosing the place where the magic carpet will go. It can be Disneyland, Africa, Mars or a zoo. Let the child himself fantasize (you help only when necessary). Continue to "travel" until the baby calms down. Make the magic carpet, when you return, sink directly into the bed, and then roll it up until the next evening journey.
Advice to the narrator
The best way to stimulate a child’s creative imagination is to be attentive to everything he says. Admire the heroes of fairy tales, which he himself created in his imagination, and do not be too strict with them. Do not be surprised if the story goes beyond common sense.
Let's talk about animals
Turning off the light, ask the baby to tell about how he spent the day. Try asking him the following question: “Do you think this day looks like any animal?” And if you get a positive answer, ask them to name it. This game provides an excellent opportunity to talk in detail with the child about the animal world. You will get great pleasure in talking with him about different birds, animals and insects. A hot and long summer day, it turns out, can be compared to a slow-moving tortoise, and a day filled with worries, bustle, and haste, with a monkey, lizard or fox. First you have to say for yourself who the day you have lived reminds of, for example: "Today I worked as an ant and was very tired." Then ask the baby: “Who was your day like?”
Spatial perception
Make a panel by gluing a large piece of monophonic flannel to the cardboard. Cut out various shapes from colored felt. For example, several large, medium and small squares; blue, red and yellow triangles. In addition, cut a long strip of black flannel.
Let your child beautifully arrange an envelope, folder, or box for storing these items. Keep an envelope in the bedroom, and when evening comes, play with them. Here are some options for the game. Take turns placing the shapes on top and bottom of the black strip: one evening, arrange them in size, the next time - in color. Ask the child to find the largest red triangle and place it above the black line. Then you, at the request of the child, put the smallest triangle above the strip. Or this: having found the largest rectangle, the child must place the smallest circle inside it. The next evening, you can decompose the figures in color or shape. During the game, try to use comparisons when describing items. Use words like “big”, “huge”, “giant”; "Less than ...", "more than ...", "the same as ..."
To add variety to this game, use block letters. You can buy them, or make them from a flannel, or write on a large sheet of paper — several identical letters. Then you can offer the child a task to find, for example, all the letters "M". At the same time, notice how much time it takes to search. Having found the letters, he can count them. If the letters are drawn on a sheet of paper, circle them.
We read together
All parents know the important role reading plays in the development of a child. This activity is traditional, but it has always fascinated children. Studies have shown that a child who reads a lot starts reading on their own more quickly. Some children love to return to the same book again and again. Others prefer variety.
If your child is learning the letter, try to read the same book with him one by one. Choose, as far as possible, good children's literature - consult with a librarian, a teacher, or look through brochures and other information sources about the best books for children. It is necessary to select publications that are appropriate for the child’s age, well-written and colorfully designed. Such literature stimulates the imagination of the child, and if the book is really interesting, it will also give you pleasure.
When the baby starts to read already, do not stop reading it aloud. Even children who have already mastered literacy, like when they read before bedtime. If the child, being carried away, cannot stop, then insert a bookmark several pages ahead and finish reading when you reach this place.
be careful
Never tell your child how to or how not to relate to this or that event, or what he incorrectly calls the feelings that he feels. If a child says: “I’m losing my mind,” and you think that he was just scared, you can say: “And I, being in such a situation for the first time, didn’t go crazy, I was just afraid.” If you want to maintain a trusting and close relationship with him, never say: "You are not crazy, but just afraid."
Memories
Children, as a rule, love to listen to different stories from the lives of their parents, brothers and sisters. One evening, open an old family album and tell the child who it is that was taken in the photographs, where and under what circumstances certain pictures were taken.
A game of shadows
This game is based on the active use of light and shadow. Both adults and children play it with pleasure. Hang a sheet of paper in the center of the room. Turn off the light and shine a sheet from the back side with a flashlight. At the same time, someone has to move his fingers and hands between a sheet of paper and a flashlight, projecting a shadow on the paper. Those who are sitting in front of the “screen” must understand what the shadows look like and tell a story. This game is best played in the evening on weekends, when relatives and friends come to visit you.
Tired couple
If the day was hard and you were tired, you both need just such a rest. Turn off the light, lie down next to the child on the bed, of course, if its dimensions allow, and say: “Dad (or mom) is terribly tired tonight (a), so can you tell me some good fairy tale to make it easier for me was fall asleep. Let's see which of us falls asleep first. ” Try to sleep next to the baby. If the bed is small, take a pillow and sit side by side on the floor.
Current events
Your child seems to have become accustomed to reading newspapers and magazines. Looking through them with you, he will feel like an adult and he will be especially interested if you tell about what is shown in the pictures. Do not forget that the baby only plays in an adult, but still a child, therefore, giving explanations, try to avoid complex terms that can tire him. Also, choose your topics wisely.
Show each other pictures in magazines and newspapers and consider important and interesting details in detail. Help him connect the imagination and reveal the ability to evaluate, then you will understand what he sees in the picture. Here are some questions that may be helpful.
- What happens in the picture?
- Do you think people often do this?
- Would you also like to do this? And how would you do it?
Astrologer
This activity may not seem so exciting if you live in a city. But if you have a house in the suburbs, and even better in the countryside, this game will leave an indelible impression on you and your baby. You can turn it into an annual ritual when relaxing outside the city. If meteorologists predict clear and warm weather, let the child stay up until dark, and together go outside, grabbing a sleeping bag or blanket and pillow. Lie down comfortably and look at the stars, discussing what you see. If you manage to find time for this activity, you will not regret it.
Small hint
Try to avoid questions that can only be answered with the words "yes" and "no."
Talk about tomorrow
Many children like to ask: “What will happen tomorrow?” Conversations about what lies ahead awards the children to develop the ability to plan actions, set goals, and also develop the art of logical assessment of events. Before you kiss a child for the night, try to discuss how his day was and what awaits him tomorrow. Let him try to determine things for tomorrow. For example, he may come up with what to eat in the morning; what will you do when you leave for work; or decide which window to wave goodbye. If the next day is something special - a guest for dinner, a visit to her grandmother, the purchase of new shoes, you get a great opportunity to remember it.
Making a plan, remember not only about household chores, but also about time for entertainment. However, the night before, do not plan any urgent and obligatory cases that you should definitely finish or start and which threaten your child with troubles - for example, a visit to the dentist.
Kids have an underdeveloped sense of time, so attempts to distribute their day contribute to the predictability and safety of their lives. When you wish children a "good night", they feel so warmly pleased that often they do not want to let you go.
"Where are you?"
Tie the child's eyes and drive him around the apartment. Stop and ask the child where he is (in the kitchen, hallway, etc.).
"Libra"
From the wooden constructor you will need a cube and a long bar. Put the bar on the cube - you get the scales. Put objects on different ends of the "weights" and determine which is heavier.
"Walk around the apartment"
Walk around the room with a child and look for objects of a certain color (blue, red, etc.) or, for example, large objects or what is made of wood.
Walk more, spend time in nature, watch natural phenomena, discuss what you see. If you have questions - write, I will try to help. Good luck!