Why can't I meet a girl. Can't find a girl and I want to commit suicide

09.11.2020

I don't even know how much this "problem" is a problem and how much it is psychological. I am 25 years old and you can say that I cannot find myself a girlfriend. But first things first.
At the age of 15 - 16 when the "tough guys" from the class switched from toys and became interested in girls, I did not join their group. While everyone was running after the girls, trying to get to know classmates, building their own childhood relationships and getting their first kisses on a bench in the yard, I behaved like a child. He talked little with his peers and was carried away by his, only to me, interesting games. I have never had many friends, and those with whom I talked are 1 - 2 people. Basically, I sat, read books and thought about my own. But it was a long time ago and it is already difficult to remember everything.
A couple of years passed and I entered the first year of the institute. Here, many, having become a little older, began to look for "life companions". Fortunately, the diversity among freshmen was much greater than at school. But it had no effect on me. I've always been kind of weird, and I didn't get involved in society. A sort of white crow. And I kind of liked it, to stand out, to be somehow unusual, not like everyone else. Not a gray mass. But as time went on and the desire to find a girl for himself grew stronger and stronger. Why do Vasya and Petit have girlfriends, but I do not? I wondered. But every attempt at acquaintance ran into an invisible wall of misunderstanding, and more and more often the problem was in me. Having no experience of acquaintances and not understanding the rules of communicating with women, I often "stupid" and did not know what to do and what to say. In general, my pitiful attempts only led to disappointment, and after the second such failure, I quickly gave up. Well, my time has not come yet, I consoled myself and calmed down on this. At about the same time, I began to actively explore the virtual space, well, or to be more precise, the very popular and well-known then ICQ text chat. There I met many girls from different cities and of different ages. More often than not, within 2 - 4 years of difference with me. Strange, but in the chat I felt at ease. I was interesting, unusual, amazing. And I was often told this. I was glad that I was interesting to someone and every time I invented something new. He could talk for hours with this or that girl, constantly captivating her with new topics. Gradually, the virtual network took me to her place and I appeared less and less in real life. Chat and computer games fascinated me much more than the street and real communication. So I met a girl who seemed to me to be my ideal. She always understood and listened to me, sympathized, sent compliments and sent messages from which it became joyful and warm in my soul. She lived in Ukraine, I am in Russia. After about a year of our communication, I got fired up with the idea of \u200b\u200bgoing to visit her, but it was at that moment that discord began in our communication. Either we got tired of each other, or something happened, but she met another guy on the Internet and I didn't go to her. The parting, even if it was virtual, was insanely difficult for me, I worried and thought about death, that life had ceased to make sense for me. No, I can't say that I was seriously thinking about suicide, but I was in severe depression.
As you know, time heals and gradually I forgot my first and strongest virtual love. She was replaced by other girls from the same chat. I communicated with them with a new wave of interest. I got to know them better and better every day. And over time he parted. But it was no longer so painful and insulting. At about 22, I met Katya in a computer game. Katya was 37. She had two children and she naturally lived in another city, but it somehow did not float me. And then she decided to come. A week spent with her in the same apartment and one bed became a little paradise for me. This is probably not comparable to anything. I was so comfortable and cozy with her that I just dreamed of staying with her forever. But the week has flown by and it's time to say goodbye. I was upset, but deep down I consoled myself that we were not parting for good and in a few months we would see each other again, but for now we would still communicate on the Internet. In total, during the 2 years of our communication, she came to me twice, and I came to her twice. But over time, we got tired of these relationships. They started quarreling and swearing, then it seemed like they parted, but I could not forget her and thought about her all the time. And after a while we began to communicate again. But it was no longer the same, there was some kind of chill or something. I don't even know how to describe it. We parted as friends. They just stopped writing to each other, but they didn't quarrel either. I realized that I should still try to find myself a life partner in my city and my age. But here's the problem. Lack of relationship experience made itself felt. I don’t know how to behave with an unfamiliar girl. After a short correspondence in some kind of chat or via SMS, we meet, but I feel some kind of constraint, I get lost, all my talent to captivate with my interestingness disappears literally before our eyes, and besides that, in the process of dating, I begin to notice the mistakes that I make. It all seems trivial. He didn’t move the chair in the cafe, didn’t help to take off his coat, didn’t open the door in front of her, but it all adds up in my head and it seems to me that I was just terrible in relation to the girl. And therefore, when I come home in the evening, I am at a loss to guess whether I should call her, how she perceived me, maybe I should not impose, because she almost certainly did not like me. I don't know how to overcome this and what to do. Another departure to the virtual world at the age of 25 seems absurd to me. And a new attempt at a date causes a certain fear.
I try to think through everything to the smallest detail. Where will we go, what will we do, what will we talk about. How much time will we spend in this or that place. But often my "ideal" plans do not actually coincide with what is really happening, at the right moment I do not decide on this or that movement. Take a hand, hug, kiss. After all, I had not thought of this before and the brain begins frantically to sort out the options of what to do. As a result, my slowness is fatal. Combined with my general isolation and rare chances to meet someone, I perceive my every new defeat on the love front especially strongly, wondering what is wrong with me. Maybe I'm not handsome, maybe I'm stupid? No, it seems normal, I study, I work, I earn good money, is smart and pleasant to talk to, at least that's what my friends say. So what is wrong and how can I find the one who will accept and understand me? Or maybe my time hasn’t come yet?

Hello! It so happened that I am already 27 years old (in July 28 I should knock), from the age of 16, 17 I began to walk with friends for the purpose of meeting a girl, I more than once or twice a day alone and with a friend approached the girls for street (near fountains, in parks, to other cities, villages, villages, they went to different areas specifically because of the fact that to get to know a girl, but the girls simply left us no results or simply answered no, or even sent three letters From the age of 17, the problem began on my face, acne (acne), with this problem I haven’t fought it so far, and how I don’t get to know it, they still sew it off, and every time I get rid of it, I get more and more driven and start to hate all the girls due to the fact that either they refused or ignored me in acquaintance, in social networks, the same thing is even much more useless, for the usual excuse "hello, do you mind meeting?)" - the answer is: "No," "I'm married," I have M. Ch. " , "I'm sorry, you're not my type", or it's just that it's mostly ignorant or silent, and don't write everything just like the last non-human she will be silent. It turns out that no one likes me, it turns out that I will be alone all my life (All girls are 90% corrupt and this has been confirmed for years and not only by me, Now I think what I want to do with myself to hang myself, in this world there is nothing available and there is nothing good in people of our century, I am even annoyed by the picture when a guy is a stranger to me and a stranger, a girl with him goes by the hand holding hands and at the same time noticed many times that they look at me as the last ..., I myself do not drink at all, do not smoke, do not we judge, I work, but I’m not from a rich family and not from a full-fledged one, but I myself work as a bus driver and try to make money, I strive for something in my life, but this money is not enough for the girls now and I have dreams, but everything about it knocks me down in fact - "I am ignored, I do not need anyone!" I think about it every day and I start to hate the female sex because of refusals in dating, please help me what to do ??? I know that the world cannot be changed, but maybe there are some exits! what i am wa m wrote it all, It really is and this is the real truth in every word! Thanks in advance!

Dmitry.V.

Svetlana Dyachenko

Administrator

Dmitry.V., Hello!
You are well done for not giving up and looking for a way out of this situation!
Please tell us a little about yourself.
What are your hobbies?
Do you live with your parents?
Psychologist Ekaterina Krupetskaya will answer in the topic after a while and will try to help, but for now I recommend you an article
I hope the information will be interesting and useful to you.

In my free time I relax after work 16 hours, on weekends I usually sleep until noon on the first day, after that I try to meet some of the girls on the Internet, I play the guitar, I walk alone in the evenings, I don’t go to clubs now and will not.

Dmitry.V.

Dmitry.V., Hello! Dmitry, please tell us who you live with: alone or with your parents, do you have brothers and sisters, what is your relationship with your father and mother? You work as a driver, as I understand it. Please explain why you have a 16-hour working day, is it connected with some kind of production need? Probably you have a shift schedule? Is it acceptable for a driver to spend so much time behind the wheel?

About your attempts to get acquainted. I understand that you are not satisfied with the dating situation, and nevertheless I would like to clarify: for all the time when you tried to make acquaintances, at least once did it continue further than your first question?

Hello, at the moment I live with my mother, my father and mother separated when I was 8 months old. As my mother told me, she says that my father began to drink and disappear at night (she probably said he was walking around other women), my mother naturally did not approve of this and she she stopped living with her father. My mother never met anyone after my father, I was with my father from my second marriage, I have a sister from my father's first marriage (she probably has to me as a half-brother); I have not seen her even once (since my mother said she grew up in a family where her mother drank and walked, and even this step sister she served for the murder of a man, I don’t care about her at all, I don’t want to know anything about her, there’s the same her brother, that is, also from my father, he is also like a stepbrother to me, I don’t communicate with my brother either, the cape was somehow written off to him on social networks and he was not very approved of me, he said that it was my mother’s fault, and my father just needed then understand that he is disabled and because of this he drinks.

I hardly saw my father, he did not visit me, and somehow I asked him in private, "Why don't you visit me, I wanted to have a father all my life, I wanted fatherly care, education (but this did not come true). As a result, the father's answer is me did not visit you because your mother forbade me to see you!
This year I decided to find my father on the social network and talk to him and to my mother, I mentioned this, she told you I can’t forbid, this is your decision!
Well, in the end, we met with him and talked about a personal one, my father was only glad to meet, but since he did not stop drinking, after three weeks he began to ask me for a loan of 2000 tr. I refused and did not communicate with him.

I have no siblings, my relationship with my mother is normal, but often swearing because of nonsense, especially after the death of my mother’s grandmother (mother), when she died, my mother said everything, my dear, give me five thousand rubles every month for the first time floor years gave. After my mother started talking, give me a loan, and I gave a loan and did not give back five thousand rubles each and began to live as before (sometimes I buy something for tea), that I would not ask her to borrow everything to a penny, so we live.

Yes, I work as a city shuttle bus driver in a small provincial town right in the city district and live, for 16 hours I work naturally, this is a violation of the labor law, according to the law, if I work 40 hours a week (and according to the employment contract it is written that 40 hours but no more). It's just that the employer reinsured himself in case of a labor inspection, and so I have to work 40 hours a week for 8 hours on a working day, the employer did this for 16 hours in order not to pay more taxes, that is, the number of drivers is half his works than it should, but here, as they say, three to the nose and have to recycle, you also have to wash after the shift from a hose (with a brush that we buy at our own expense). According to the funded pension fund, he marks us at the minimum wage in order not to pay more taxes to the state, and they also force us to come half an hour before departure (although this is not spelled out anywhere) - you will not come, 500 r fine, in general hell is complete!

On account of my acquaintance, I met a girl for five months in 2014, broke up due to the fact that unexpectedly at her table at dinner she had an epileptic seizure and I called an ambulance, at home she told me herself after the incident, “scary?” I replied ( yes!), she "If you want, we can part! A week later I told her everything and we parted! For three weeks after that incident, I slept badly, I decided to go to church and everything passed.

Dmitry.V.

Dmitry.V., I understand correctly that you have no education, except secondary? Have you considered getting a profession, completing additional training? Did you go to grade 9 or 11?

Since you still have an example of how your acquaintance was successful and even developed into a long-term relationship, let's start from it. Can you remember how you met this girl?

Well, I have the education of 9 grades of a secondary general educational school with two 4 kami for work and physical, the rest of the three, then I entered the vocational lyceum of primary vocational education as an auto mechanic, graduated from full-time studies, the diploma says about primary vocational education and complete secondary education with the qualification of a car repair mechanic for the 3rd time, yes, and it is also written false (a driver of category B C) - at that time I did not even have practice in driving a car, but I was already written out in the diploma ready that supposedly is , but initially they promised to learn for these categories and as a result, the traffic police arrived at the race track when they said that there would be no exercises from your institution, since it is not subject to a license in this state. But my friend and I went to study these categories in another place and everyone successfully got the rights to B and C categories, then I learned to A, then to D (bus) and immediately got a job on the bus as a driver. In general, I argue with my mother to this day that she ruined the fate of my dreams in life, I wanted to serve since childhood, dreamed about this, after barely getting the right to get permission from this psychiatrist, Now for the state. The service will not get a job, they will not take it under the contract, at the railway school I wanted to try to learn to be an assistant train driver, so there, as well as in the authorities, they demanded military service, the Ministry of Emergency Situations was also refused, the psychiatrist also refused a security guard's license with a traumatic gun , it turns out in the future I have a wonderful fate !!! All that I wanted did not come true! Only private traders will have to work on the same salary for three and there will be no privileges and no pension, nothing will happen, my mother was afraid that what happened to my father would not happen.
Not long ago I learned to be an excavator, but no one needs experience without experience, because all private traders and everyone needs the highest specialist to cut all the tasks set by IP Vaskin at once.
Regarding the girl's illness, I knew she told me this a week after we met, I didn’t know what kind of attack it was, I heard that there was such a disease, but I didn’t see it, after I saw this attack, I will honestly say this was the first time scary in my whole life than ever when I saw something. I broke up with her because of this illness, because if everything was serious with her, then I learned that epilepsy people cannot bear a child with seizures, Secondly, I was afraid of responsibility for her suddenly if it happened not at home with her parents with her mother her and on the street and that I would be at a loss immediately and could not physically help her since it must also be mentally endured, even after that I just, even being alone with her, began to be afraid every second of this - and then she began to ask "Why are you all looking at me as if they would steal me?" I was silent and did not say anything after I told her "You are a very good person, excuse me, but I decided that we do not need to meet anymore" naturally she roared very much offended, maybe I should have said something else, but since I am with girls in general I had no experience in communication, so I expressed it as peacefully as possible that this parting would be, after half a year I saw her somewhere in a store, she worked and bought her a chocolate bar and winked and said forgive me, be happy!
And he left, recently saw her, she talked to me, was not against communication, willingly listened to her smiling
In general, I met her through the social. The network is "mamba", on the first day I met her, on the second day we already met (but she did not mind meeting on the first day, just there, for some reason, she could not and therefore met on the second day. wrote as usual Hi, would you like to meet?
She - Come on
I - What are you doing in your life?
She is learning
Well, in general, and so on, and without thinking twice, I wrote to her
Do you mind seeing each other?
She agreed and we started dating like that, I didn't have an intimate life before her and she asked me about it and I said that I didn't have it
A week later she herself was the first to start leading me to this, and so with her I entered into an intimate life
Further After her, I could not find a girl for myself for a long time and still find a little!
Who do not write in the social. Networks are mostly silent or ignore, If silent, I ask, why are you silent ?, then I look again at the message, I read it but does not answer, I write and will you ignore me? Humanly can you answer? She - No! I can not! I - You are the last creature! And so I am with all who like me ignore!
If communication comes, then the girls are interested - who do you work? Where? Who do you live with?
You start her the same way and ask her why you need it?
I - well, how did you find out, and I want to find out about you, then either an ignore or a quarrel starts to happen because of nothing, Or, in Socrates, as an unsubscribe begins to respond reluctantly. Sometimes it happens that they start throwing my photo into messages and say look at yourself - giving out your rotten pimples to girls like you will not be liked by anyone! I'm not a pimple, you like me, so why should I date such a pimply freak like you? Or it doesn’t suit me that I live with my mother and not separately (or there is no separate housing), in short, everything is spent on money.
In real life, everything is still much worse, everything is useless there and you have to blush that like a fool you remain in such a situation or they send three letters or basically pretend that I am not there with them.
Where will my stimulus come from in my life? Where will I get the mood to live from?
Why then do I live and generally regret that I was born once I was such a crappy and ugly person!
A person on planet Earth is not in order to eat, drink and sleep, but probably to continue the race, probably to create a family, to meet your person with whom you can live the rest of your life, in my situation I do not see this!

Dmitry.V.

In general, I had a situation that I liked the girl, but she had a boyfriend, but she still has him, she probably meets him for five years, she is 19, she does not drink, does not smoke, does not go to bars, restaurants, parties, modestly dresses, she is beautiful, I talked with her and wanted to meet with her, she agreed, then her boyfriend blocked me from her page to ignore and we did not communicate with her after five months she wrote Hi to me and so we went to the cinema and after me again to ignore, after a week later I write to her and ask what are you doing?
She's the soup
I am fine! I wish someone taught me how to cook soup
She - Do you want me to teach you this business?
I - why not, I’ll come to you, I’m not difficult?
She - come on
I - but what about your boyfriend?
She - We don't communicate with him!
I - Why, if not a secret?
She - he always has no time for something
I'll be ok right now
I arrived, How did I come in, asked if I could wash my hands with soap, what can I help you with?
She - here are three finely chopped potatoes,
I'm ok right now everything will be
Well, we all sit, while the soup is being cooked, she offers me tea, coffee, chicory? I'm tea!
With lemon? I say yes come on with lemon
How many spoons of sand are you -?
I come on the more the kinder you are
Smiling, she spanked me five spoons and I drank tea and my mother called her and she and her mother talked with me just in front of me on the topic of not communicating, like I was with him and we had a fight! After this conversation, I offered her to drive around the city in a car, she agreed and herself suggested, can we have a cup of coffee again? Well, let's go!
We arrived and drank coffee and agreed to go to the cinema the next day and the next day comes and she answers with the last ring - I am doing pediatrics today, I have no time for kin.

I looked at it strangely and decided to ride past her house, maybe she got along with her boyfriend again? And that I was driving and looking not far from her house was her boyfriend's car, then I write to her - I was passing by your house recently and noticed your boyfriend's car near your house, did you get along again? She yes we made up! Will you meet with him again? Yes, I think I will! After she writes to me, we do not need to communicate anymore, I will not ignore you, just let's stay good friends! I Well, ok be happy!
How else can you understand the girls, it turns out I'm like a spare wheel for them on the car, If we replace something temporarily, so here!

Is there a chance that she will write to me and that she wants something personal with me in the future? Is she interested in me according to the above from my story?

Dmitry.V.

i still argue with my mother that she ruined the fate of my dreams in life
Click to Expand ...

Can you explain what she did? You, as I understand it, have repeatedly communicated with a psychiatrist, what is this story? They do not remove you from the register, so they deny all of the above, or is there another reason?
I so feel from your story that you are a living person and are interested in many things, strive to expand your professional knowledge. This is very good, from my point of view, a person striving for development, provides himself with a future and relevance. As for the profession of an excavator, it is difficult for me to comment, but it may make sense to show some perseverance and continue to offer yourself to employers, if you have already spent time and have a desire to work in this profession. As for your basic education and the profession of a car mechanic - does it appeal to you? Bus driver is a good profession, but you are clearly overworking in your current job. Perhaps it is worth looking for other job options, in your own or in neighboring cities?

About your appearance. What did you do yourself to improve the quality of the skin? Did you talk about this topic with an endocrinologist, dermatologist, and other specialists? Problematic skin, indeed, can repel girls when they meet - after all, it would repel you with a girl, would you agree? You are a young guy, and these types of problems are best treated simply. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it. What do you have with other characteristics of your appearance? Can you say about yourself that you are in good physical shape? Do you go in for sports, do you have sufficient physical activity? This may be necessary for the specifics of your work. In addition, girls love physical strength in a man, and a man in good physical shape will certainly attract the attention of girls. What do you think about this?

As for dating on sites: I would recommend that you come up with some other phrase to start dating, more non-standard and capable of arousing interest in you as a person. Girls initially do not know you, and your task is to arouse their interest in yourself with the help of the first phrases. You should be more interested in them, ask questions, joke, show a sense of humor from the very first phrases. If you find it difficult to do it yourself, then I recommend that you go to the training, where they teach communication and dating skills. If for some reason this is impossible, I recommend that you find a pickup forum, where they teach specifically the science of seducing girls. I think you have a lot to learn there. At a minimum, I suggest you stop asking girls who stop communicating with you questions about why they do not answer - do not waste your time, during this time you could already try to make several new acquaintances. In general, from your story, I understood that you are very upset from every refusal - but young men endure a huge number of unsuccessful attempts to establish relationships with girls during their lives, this is quite natural, and this is usually not treated as a tragedy, but as new experiences that can help you become more successful the next time you try.

To move on to specific recommendations, I would suggest an exercise for you. Come up with at least five phrases to start dating that, as you think, can attract the girl's interest. It should be a witty phrase or a light question that encourages the girl to learn more about you. After that, I suggest that you write at least 50 girls on the site where you meet, 10 times each phrase and see what leads to greater success.

Regarding your friend, I suppose that you should not waste time with a girl who is now in a relationship with another guy and immediately decided to restore them as soon as he came to her. I think that this is not yet your level - to beat off a girl from a permanent partner, you should learn how to solve easier problems.

Hello, I argue with my mother because she turned to a psychiatrist at will and this started the problems, despite the fact that I was not taken into the army, I can not get a job where all the social packages and more or less without deception, not like private traders' salaries, in Monday at the place of residence, she turned herself on the grounds that I had childhood fears of nightmares (perhaps after I loved to watch horror films and action movies a lot), there were headaches from time to time, but not so much everything is so terrible.

It was in 1998 (I was then 8 years old), well, my mother took me and there brought me to a psychiatrist.Well, she began to tell everything about me and also tidied up a lot of all sorts of things that they say I was quick-tempered a quiet and calm person, I would say even a young man and she also mentioned this), well, the doctor wrote it all down in the outpatient card and I vaguely remember the psychologist still had me from the psychiatrist's referral, he gave me some tests there and I did not hesitate to answer them and a lot of words written in questions there, too, I could not make out (I could not understand the meaning of words like "character, wit, conflict), after all this I was diagnosed - Emotional-labile personality disorder", distant years and I need this diagnosis at the military registration and enlistment office they put it in 1998 for me to clarify it, well, I came to Mon. and told me to take my mother with me, since she originally came with you and we need to ask her life history about you, well, she is my mother on the way to Mon. what if the psychiatrist has something to ask, say everything's bad, my head hurts, and so on like that, but I did not have time to say all this, my mother herself told everything and the psychologist asked me why you are in a black suit, I replied that there is no other, well, She wrote something down and I was diagnosed with an even worse diagnosis - Organic brain damage, with this diagnosis I was under Article 14-b (with moderate mental disorders) and was not drafted into the army.

This year, I specifically turned to the PND to give me a referral to the hospital for examination in order to remove the diagnosis, the diagnosis was removed - after going through the entire hospital, the diagnosis was made - mentally healthy.

On account of my job search, I posted my detailed resume in several job search sites, Everyone needs a specialist, no one needs it without experience, but where can I get it?
As for the bus driver, this is not a very good job, having worked in this area for 5.5 years, I have encountered many disadvantages of this area, Firstly, it is a risk on the road and at the same time a risk with people and because of nonsense people can write a complaint against me, (especially people of advanced age), No break, No free time to rest at least a little, No normal lunch for 10 minutes during the break at the end, constantly stress and nerves on the road and after the shift swearing because of nonsense with a mechanic (I hate him).

Regarding the skin, I turned to the dermatologists and to the dermatologist-venereologist and to the nutritionists, and whatever I did, Nothing helped and unfortunately nothing helped, I also turned to the cosmetologist and paid nothing, he did not help me, Everything became clear to me that everyone only wants dough and nothing else, and he did not go anywhere else about this, since it became clear that it was incurable, it became clear that no one needed me with my problem on my face, in this world everything plays out looks and money and more nothing! So if, according to your words, that this is really so about the face, then this is still a conviction for me to understand for this feat that this is all in the skin problem, and since it is not curable and there are no means to go to a good specialist doctor, then it will remain and there will be nothing for the better in the future with this problem, which means there is no need to live

No, I’m not a jock and I don’t do anything from sports and physical. Loads, since after my 16, hour work I can no longer physically do it even on weekends, I can hardly go home. After the second shift I get, what kind of physical. Loads, well, of course, generally not a jock, pimply, not rich - who really needs me !? Nobody, well, it really means this life ...

Question to the psychologist:

Hello. Tell me how not to go crazy. I am 32 years old. Not married. There are no friends, only acquaintances from work with whom relations are more or less normal, but not friendly.

I do not live in my hometown, I moved here a couple of years ago. I can't find myself a girl, on average on a dating site I try to meet one more or less beautiful girl. Acquaintance refusals on average about 40 times per week. When summer comes, I try to meet on the street from Friday to Sunday at least three girls a day. On average, there are 15 rejections in 3 days. And I have about 70 refusals a month. I used to help the gym, look after myself more or less trying to be in shape, a little more and I will be CCM in bench press. I change clothes as they wear out, do not drink, do not smoke. The work is relatively good and not poorly paid, I don’t want to take a mortgage, in 10 years I’ll buy myself an apartment.

I have never danced in my life and never been to a nightclub and what to do there alone ...

Previously, prostitutes helped more or less .. But now I don’t hunt for this dirt .. It's like masturbation.

Traveling does not help, on vacation I go somewhere, but this melancholy is green, well, trees and trees and trees, the sea and the sea are not interesting. I would drink it down, but I can't stand alcohol at all. After a little alcohol, I feel bad, I feel sick and have a headache ...

I used to think that if you have a swinging body, you will definitely find someone for yourself, but it turns out not. Nobody answers me on dating sites, on the street they just say no.

How to get used to living alone and not go crazy? And in general, what can be done here?

The question is answered by psychologist Natalya Gennadievna Garkavaya.

Hello, Alexander.

There is a wise saying: "That for one loneliness for another is freedom."

First of all, Alexander, you need to find friends. Learn to communicate, be friends. It is friends who can tell you how to get to know each other correctly, talk to girls. Sometimes you can go out with a company to cafes, nightclubs in them you can also meet the fair sex.

Girls and women need a special approach to each. Try to make friends with them first, chat on social networks in a friendly way. Send pictures, flowers, warm wishes to the beautiful half of humanity.

If you get a constant refusal, then you may be scaring the girls with something. Stop trying to find the girl temporarily. You need to take care of yourself, your manners, find friends.

Think seriously about what is wrong with you. It can be a gloomy look and manner of communication, treatment.

Stop dating on the street as you do. Women can be mistaken for a maniac and notoriety will quickly spread throughout the city. Wandering around and setting a goal of acquaintance is already a wrong impulse. Your attention is fixed on rejections on this and you will constantly select only those who reject.

If every single man begins to analyze his thoughts about his personal life, then he, most likely, will sooner or later catch himself in a kind of self-flagellation. Covered in a very simple-looking thought: "I can't find a girl, because ...", and then further, after that "because" everyone finds a million reasons that, in theory, should justify his loneliness.

And it is difficult for people to admit to themselves that the basis for all these reasons, as a rule, lies in their lack of confidence in their abilities, inability to communicate with women, sometimes even in their unwillingness to learn this.

Making excuses to oneself, of course, is easier than taking responsibility for the lack of confidence in the ownership of the forces, and starting to do something to change the current situation. As life shows, however, it is to those who, nevertheless, throwing away doubts, begins to work with their own character, study female psychology and try to apply the knowledge gained in practice, that success comes. Such men very quickly notice that, in general, they could not find a girl before only because they were afraid ... of their own far-fetched fears.

Getting rid of which, however, is just the first step on the way to a full-fledged personal life with many (yes, of course, because the world cannot always revolve around the same young lady) beautiful girls in all respects. The second step, and it is also the main one, is to comprehend not only the depths of female psychology, but also to hone the ability to manipulate them with the help of your knowledge.

What can such manipulation consist of? Of course, it is impossible to achieve absolute control over the actions of the fair sex - there are always objective factors preventing this. Any guy who really wants it can learn to learn the basic rules of proper dating, organizing dates, beautiful seduction.

The reasons for the difficulties in communicating with girls can be roughly divided into 2 categories:

problems with appearance;
problems understanding how to get acquainted and build relationships.

Let's consider each of them in more detail.

We solve problems with appearance

The role of appearance in communicating with the opposite sex should not be underestimated. Not everyone is lucky to be born with the face and body of Brad Pitt, but it is within the power of each of us to dress well, keep fit and look after ourselves. You should not rush to extremes and assume that girls are only fooled by handsome men - a man who has a 10/10 appearance and does not know how to build a relationship will be much less successful than an ordinary outwardly, but at the same time experienced and confident guy.

Let's take a look at the main appearance issues that need to be addressed first:

Acne... The presence of acne not only critically affects the appearance, but also strongly affects self-esteem. This is an extremely complex topic, and the advice to pay more attention to hygiene is of little use here - anyone who has had acne knows how difficult it is to get rid of them. First, find out the cause of acne - it can be hormonal problems, an improper diet, or excessively oily skin that requires special care. Spend money on a trip to the beautician - if the specialist is intelligent, he will tell you what and how to do. The combined use of Zenerit + Baziron and the regular intake of vitamin A tablets help many people to get rid of even severe stages of acne.
clothing... No girl will let a poorly dressed guy dismissive of his wardrobe. There is no need to use the services of stylists or to spend not expensive designer items, you can do with simple, but neat and tastefully selected clothes. Get a standard set of wardrobe - jeans for a figure, nice shoes, a few plain shirts, a leather jacket. For the first time, this will be more than enough. Choose the right size to fit your figure well, wear only clean clothes, and always iron them before going out. Also consider the appropriateness of the particular style in the place you plan to visit.
Hairstyle... Don't bother going around with uncut, greasy hair - wash your hair regularly and see a good hairdresser who can get you the right haircut. A well-chosen hairstyle can make even an ugly face more attractive.
General grooming... It's funny, but such a trifle as uncut nails or bad breath on the first date will make any girl give up on you. It is extremely important to take care of yourself - take a shower regularly, use perfume or eau de toilette, do not neglect brushing your teeth, watch your posture, fight dandruff, if any.

Many guys who cannot find a girl associate the problem with their own figure, but this is far from the primary factor. It is worth worrying if you have excess weight, which, with the appropriate efforts, you can get rid of in a few months in the gym. Large muscles are valued only by a small number of girls, so you shouldn't make them an end in themselves, just have a slender and toned body.

Male beauty is an extremely subjective concept. Ask 5 girls how he sees his standard guy, and in each case the answer will be different. Remember, no one will require you to look like a model from the cover of a men's magazine, the main thing is to fix the main flaws in order to look NORMAL and well-groomed.

The importance of social status

How girls react to you will be largely determined by your social status. And now we are not talking about the material condition or the presence of an important position in the bank, but about how your environment perceives you. Indicative is the situation when, from a joke of one guy, all the girls in the company burst into tears, and the other responds to a similar humor - "What are you, a clown?"

The reason for this is precisely the social status - girls are drawn to those who are respected among their acquaintances and seem to them an interesting person. It doesn't matter how such a position is deserved - you can stand out for your intelligence, sporting achievements, unusual hobby or the ability to show tricks.

The main thing is not to be a typical representative of the gray mass - stop wasting all your time on the Internet and wasting your days, choose an area of \u200b\u200byour own interests and develop, trying to become the best in it. And in the future, the girls themselves will express a desire to get to know you.

Learning to interact with girls

But even handsome and somewhat successful guys wondering “why can't I find a girl” are not such a rarity. An example is an athlete who spent all his youth on training and had no experience of relationships with girls in his youth, who simply does not know what and how to do.

Typical mistakes that prevent you from finding a girl are:

Fear of meeting a girl you like... Not a single girl who is approached by a handsome guy who compliments her and offers to meet her will ever shame him or do anything negative. The worst thing you can count on is a banal refusal if the girl has a boyfriend or she just doesn't like you. Even so, you will get the experience of dating and become less worried in the future. If this does not convince you, try to find a Vkontakte girl, chat with her online for several days and invite her on a date - it is much easier to communicate live with a person whose interests you more or less know.
Insecure behavior... Girls love confident guys who take the relationship into their own hands and constantly take the initiative, rather than expecting them to take the first step. Do not be ashamed of your desires, do not be afraid to lead her, joking and knocking down arrogance from a seemingly unapproachable lady. Impudent guys are much more likely to please girls than those who exalt them to the skies and act from a position of servility. Forget about the generally accepted rule that a girl needs to be achieved - if you are an interesting enough person, then she will be interested in you and try to earn your favor.
Obsession with the girl... If, after meeting and a couple of dates with a girl, an ignorance began on her part, then she has lost interest in you. This can happen either because of your lack of self-confidence (which girl will date a guy who is afraid to kiss her on the third date, when experienced guys put her to bed on the second date), or because of excessive intrusiveness. Constant calls, SMS, gifts and signs of attention - all this indicates that the guy puts the girl above himself. Girls quickly sew such individuals off, since any of them wants to see a self-sufficient man next to her, and not a guy with the behavior of a helpful puppy. Therefore, in relations with the opposite sex, you need to show adequate egoism, be guided by your own desires, interests, and not be afraid to realize them.

Many guys have no problem finding girls, but they do not understand how ordinary communication can be translated into something more. In order not to stay at the level of friends, from the very beginning of dating, you need to demonstrate that you are interested in her as a partner for a relationship.

This is done with the help of kinesthetics, in a simple way - touch. A guy who counts only on friendship, is limited to only one communication, while a man who sees a woman as a sexual object is not afraid to close the distance with her. You need to start everything with banal, socially acceptable touches - touch her elbow and take her to the desired table in a cafe, take her hand as you cross the road, touch her shoulder to indicate something.

In the process of communication, the intensity of such touches must be increased, up to the mutual clutches that lead you to bed. The rate of kinesthetics depends on many factors - how interested she is in you, where you are (obviously, kinesthetics in a cafe and a nightclub will be completely different), whether the girl is sober. The main thing is to do everything in accordance with the moment so as not to frighten off the girl with inappropriate behavior.

Motivation for self-development

Most inexperienced guys can be confused by such recommendations, they say: "I'm afraid to look girls in the eyes and constantly look away during eye contact, what kind of arrogant and self-confident behavior we are talking about." Indeed, if you suddenly start behaving like a dominant, without being such, at the first check the girl will merge you, since most of them are perfectly able to determine the real personality of a man.

It is worth understanding that the ability to build relationships with the opposite sex is a common skill that can be obtained as a result of constant practice. When someone wants to learn how to stand up for himself, he goes to boxing and after a year or two classes he can pile on any bully. In seduction, things are the same - set a goal and start communicating with girls regularly, asking them on dates and going through all stages of the relationship - from dating to bed.

Yes, you will get rejected and fail, but it is learning from your own mistakes that ultimately leads to success. Use the knowledge gained from this article in practice, and soon the question “why can't I find a girl” will remain in the past.

About hopeless situations and complexes

Many guys who are aware of their own failures in relationships with the opposite sex do not even try to change anything. They have no desire and motivation to leave their comfort zone, as they believe that they will not be able to cope with their problems.

In fact, only people with cancer have unsolvable problems, and then everything happens. The reason for your difficulties in 99% is complexes and negative beliefs, which simply prevent you from responding adequately to things.

Consider the typical "unsolvable problems" of guys who don't have girls:

Girls don't look at me because of their small stature... Firstly, there is no need to approach the female composition of the local basketball team, you are surrounded by a huge number of beautiful petite girls. Secondly - remember Al-Pacino, Tom Cruise or Daniel Radcliffe, did their short stature (all of them below 170 cm) prevent them from becoming world famous actors? Growth is absolutely not important, especially there is charisma.
Have i don't have a girlfriend because I live with my parents... Living with parents after 20 years does not benefit any guy, as it suppresses the feeling of independence and self-reliance. Do not think that there is no way out - rent an apartment, if you do not have enough money, rent a house together with friends. This is the first thing that a mother's son needs to do if he wants to become a man.
I'm 20 and I'm a virgin, I have no chance of finding a girl... You will really be in the role of a laggard if you don't have the experience of relationships with the opposite sex, which was necessary to get in high school, where young people usually meet, have sex, swear and everything is repeated in a circle. However, by getting down to business thoroughly, you can not only catch up, but also surpass ordinary guys. Work on your appearance, learn pickup theory and practice, and soon your personality will change. The main thing is to start, while at first you can be content with the simplest girls, and if you do everything right, gradually the level of women will rise.

The list of such problems can be continued for a long time, but any of them can be solved. In this article, we described in detail what to do if there is no girl. Read it and forget, start working on yourself on your own or go to

I don't even know how much this "problem" is a problem and how much it is psychological. I am 25 years old and you can say that I cannot find myself a girlfriend. But first things first.
At the age of 15 - 16 when the "tough guys" from the class switched from toys and became interested in girls, I did not join their group. While everyone was running after the girls, trying to get to know classmates, building their own childhood relationships and getting their first kisses on a bench in the yard, I behaved like a child. He talked little with his peers and was carried away by his, only to me, interesting games. I have never had many friends, and those with whom I talked are 1 - 2 people. Basically, I sat, read books and thought about my own. But it was a long time ago and it is already difficult to remember everything.
A couple of years passed and I entered the first year of the institute. Here, many, having become a little older, began to look for "life companions". Fortunately, the diversity among freshmen was much greater than at school. But it had no effect on me. I've always been kind of weird, and I didn't get involved in society. A sort of white crow. And I kind of liked it, to stand out, to be somehow unusual, not like everyone else. Not a gray mass. But as time went on and the desire to find a girl for himself grew stronger and stronger. Why do Vasya and Petit have girlfriends, but I do not? I wondered. But every attempt at acquaintance ran into an invisible wall of misunderstanding, and more and more often the problem was in me. Having no experience of acquaintances and not understanding the rules of communicating with women, I often "stupid" and did not know what to do and what to say. In general, my pitiful attempts only led to disappointment, and after the second such failure, I quickly gave up. Well, my time has not come yet, I consoled myself and calmed down on this. At about the same time, I began to actively explore the virtual space, well, or to be more precise, the very popular and well-known then ICQ text chat. There I met many girls from different cities and of different ages. More often than not, within 2 - 4 years of difference with me. Strange, but in the chat I felt at ease. I was interesting, unusual, amazing. And I was often told this. I was glad that I was interesting to someone and every time I invented something new. He could talk for hours with this or that girl, constantly captivating her with new topics. Gradually, the virtual network took me to her place and I appeared less and less in real life. Chat and computer games fascinated me much more than the street and real communication. So I met a girl who seemed to me to be my ideal. She always understood and listened to me, sympathized, sent compliments and sent messages from which it became joyful and warm in my soul. She lived in Ukraine, I am in Russia. After about a year of our communication, I got fired up with the idea of \u200b\u200bgoing to visit her, but it was at that moment that discord began in our communication. Either we got tired of each other, or something happened, but she met another guy on the Internet and I didn't go to her. The parting, even if it was virtual, was insanely difficult for me, I worried and thought about death, that life had ceased to make sense for me. No, I can't say that I was seriously thinking about suicide, but I was in severe depression.
As you know, time heals and gradually I forgot my first and strongest virtual love. She was replaced by other girls from the same chat. I communicated with them with a new wave of interest. I got to know them better and better every day. And over time he parted. But it was no longer so painful and insulting. At about 22, I met Katya in a computer game. Katya was 37. She had two children and she naturally lived in another city, but it somehow did not float me. And then she decided to come. A week spent with her in the same apartment and one bed became a little paradise for me. This is probably not comparable to anything. I was so comfortable and cozy with her that I just dreamed of staying with her forever. But the week has flown by and it's time to say goodbye. I was upset, but deep down I consoled myself that we were not parting for good and in a few months we would see each other again, but for now we would still communicate on the Internet. In total, during the 2 years of our communication, she came to me twice, and I came to her twice. But over time, we got tired of these relationships. They started quarreling and swearing, then it seemed like they parted, but I could not forget her and thought about her all the time. And after a while we began to communicate again. But it was no longer the same, there was some kind of chill or something. I don't even know how to describe it. We parted as friends. They just stopped writing to each other, but they didn't quarrel either. I realized that I should still try to find myself a life partner in my city and my age. But here's the problem. Lack of relationship experience made itself felt. I don’t know how to behave with an unfamiliar girl. After a short correspondence in some kind of chat or via SMS, we meet, but I feel some kind of constraint, I get lost, all my talent to captivate with my interestingness disappears literally before our eyes, and besides that, in the process of dating, I begin to notice the mistakes that I make. It all seems trivial. He didn’t move the chair in the cafe, didn’t help to take off his coat, didn’t open the door in front of her, but it all adds up in my head and it seems to me that I was just terrible in relation to the girl. And therefore, when I come home in the evening, I am at a loss to guess whether I should call her, how she perceived me, maybe I should not impose, because she almost certainly did not like me. I don't know how to overcome this and what to do. Another departure to the virtual world at the age of 25 seems absurd to me. And a new attempt at a date causes a certain fear.
I try to think through everything to the smallest detail. Where will we go, what will we do, what will we talk about. How much time will we spend in this or that place. But often my "ideal" plans do not actually coincide with what is really happening, at the right moment I do not decide on this or that movement. Take a hand, hug, kiss. After all, I had not thought of this before and the brain begins frantically to sort out the options of what to do. As a result, my slowness is fatal. Combined with my general isolation and rare chances to meet someone, I perceive my every new defeat on the love front especially strongly, wondering what is wrong with me. Maybe I'm not handsome, maybe I'm stupid? No, it seems normal, I study, I work, I earn good money, is smart and pleasant to talk to, at least that's what my friends say. So what is wrong and how can I find the one who will accept and understand me? Or maybe my time hasn’t come yet?