Family is the most magical thing on earth, and two people are important here: husband and wife. Only by your own example, you bring up amazingly magical children.
Let's talk about how to make a family happy, part of your magical space. We have selected the most important recommendations on family happiness:
Immediately make a reservation, I do not like the word "educate". In our family, children look at parents who are madly in love with each other, and they know that there is the coolest feeling in the world - the love of a husband for his wife and his wife for a husband. In this example, they grow. And this is the main thing that is required.
Ex-Parent and Future Parent-Step
As soon as the contacts are multiplied, you can ask him about your opinion and cause his feelings to be heard. We have just discussed the presentations of the child and the future walking parent, but it is also important not to forget to inform the former, because the parent has the right to know where his child will develop. In addition, transparency reduces the risk of interrogating a child at each return to the former.
Judgment can be very destabilizing for a child, because lowering adults who build it is devaluing a part of themselves. These principles imply that the original couple had to settle their conflicts, so that everyone would find their own place in raising a child.
It is useless to shout and force a child. Paying attention to this energy, you only strengthen it, and you should not be surprised that it pushes the child to the behavior that you do not accept.
The role of the parent is to guide the child by example. Children really feel everything that you really feel. For example, if a mother wants to arrange a daughter’s private life and speaks of love, while she herself suffers and does not love her husband, it is obvious that the result will be far from what she wants.
What is the role of the walking parent
To be structured, the child must understand that the step-parent is not his comrade, but an adult, to whom he can count, to whom he must obey. The parent has an educational role, the duty of power and protection. All of this depends, of course, on the child’s age and time spent together, but in all cases he must respect him. Cohabitation notes the experience of parents. These moments of life are approaching.
The original parent cannot replace the parent. Her place is not obvious, she even thinks out! And as a person becomes a parent with experience, so is a phased one. As you will understand, this relationship is complex and depends on several factors. What invests walking parent.
I do not set the framework and allow children to live life, taking from this my own experience. I cut off the umbilical cord from birth, and even though I love them madly, I want them to act, choose and live. But on the other hand, they always know what they have, where to turn for help, that they are loved and always supported. At first it was difficult, but worth it. By giving them freedom and their trust, you help them prepare for adulthood.
What a child should find. The role of the current parent, who must accompany the parent, forcing him to answer in the family. A hermit, as an adult and living in a house, cannot be put aside for questions related to the upbringing of children. His role is important, and he shares the life of children.
Of course, the main decisions primarily relate to biological parents. This is a question that often works with children, because it often raises concerns about the betrayal of the biological mother and how to tempt and create a special connection with the stage. It is not always easy to answer, however.
The child stops hearing you as soon as you begin to impose something. This is a dead end. Therefore, start with yourself, love your children, but let them live their experiences, including making their own mistakes, and then learn from them a lesson.
I love my family. We have lived a lot, but all this is an experience. It does not matter what was in your relationship, it is important that you remain above jealousy, resentment and other emotions. It’s not so important what you did, how much what you understood from this experience, and how it brought you together.
When there are several children on both sides
The most classic waste should be named after him with the lack of an incomprehensible position of each. Then, taking a pseudonym chosen by the child gives a special status, being an emotional symbol. Pay attention to the spouse's child so that he can talk about his problems and be able to calm him down if he feels emotional differences. However, one should not be less cautious about the rules of life under the pretext that a person is not his biological parent!
Rules must be shared, heard and respected by all. For example, TV on Sunday evening, the release of the film once a month, etc. The ideal thing in the house is that each child has his own room or has a room designed for children attending the weekend. In fact, children often have to share their room.
Family is the most magical thing on earth, and two people are important here: husband and wife. Only by your own example, you bring up amazing and magical children.
There is hardly a mother who has never experienced fear for her child, for his grades, relationships with friends or the future. What is this game? Experiences are action too. And, you see, quite simple in comparison with real actions. It seems to us: worried, worried, so, it seems, and contributed to ensuring that everything worked out well.
As in any family, a child has stages of rebellion. In the case of the Scythians, it is all the more difficult to manage conflicts, because the stepmother easily passes to the stepmother. The supreme and, nevertheless, the real insult is the famous “You are not my mother!”. Keep cool and remember that you have already taken your mother’s place with your father.
It is important that the parent intervenes in support of the rules required by his partner. For example: "Yes, you should go home right after school, Marion is right." If the child remains behind automatic failures, the best sign of intelligence is to allow the child to break out of his aggression and respond that you understand that it is not easy for him, while maintaining his limits. You do not have to accept everything because you are at home and at home; adults control this. In a festive mood, one must have tact, patience and insight to make a person accept his position as a strider.
It seems to us that it is much easier to do this than to take responsibility and take care of yourself, acting as an example for children and allowing them to make their choice. But after all, we will not be able to remake anyone, as well as to force ... Only by developing yourself, you will create that family energy, that atmosphere where the child will see and feel what he needs ... without your worries and efforts! That is my choice, and yours?
The arrival of the child, the fruit of the new union
True or not, children know how to play the status of divorced children and do not hesitate to abuse them in order to achieve their goals. Perspective reminder: a mixed family implies a meeting of two ways of life. This birth confirms the union between his parent and the stage. And since she welds this new family, she, as a rule, is well perceived by her elders, most of the time weakened by parental separation. Birth can calm the fear of a new outbreak, and, conversely, since all children are afraid of being abandoned with the arrival of the baby, it is important that they speak words about their anxieties and react in function.
When you love, everything around you expands that feeling even more !!! Children even more show you the tenderness of your man, their problems - his strength, their secrets - his patronage. The whole family is the personification of your strength, tenderness and love, in every second of your existence!
Up to nine years, the formation of the physical body takes place through the interaction of the child and his universe. The child maintains a state of love, carelessness, constant Game. During this period, the child does not need to forbid anything, he goes on his way, stuffing cones on the way. He will go to the pot when he is ready for it. In the opposite case, bans and shouts you break the thread that harmoniously connects the child and the universe. He himself knows when and what to do. Mom at this time supports the child throughout, protects and loves him. Mom trusts him as herself, because it is this baby who chose her as his mom.
It is interesting to invoke the laws of family recommendations, but since this is a couple in the heart of this family? Romance can be cursed by the vagaries of the family. Therefore, the most important thing is to take care of your couple. Feed him to save him, staying with the children like a mother.
Last tip for the subfamily
At the same time, taking care of your partner necessarily means respecting his closeness with a partner, that is, giving yourself only two things. Hoping my advice will help you overcome the difficulties of any shaky or just live as calmly as possible.
It happens that when shouting loudly in the kindergarten, the tutors scold the baby, accuse him of bad Education mother, who immediately begins to scold her baby. The baby pulls away from her mother and looks at her with eyes full of tears. He trusted her so much, and she listens to some other aunt.
We read books, listen to psychologists, and really want to draw attention to the fact that it is necessary to think about a very important question: “When will we listen to our own child?”
A happy child has everything he wants
Every parent wants to make his child happy, but do we really know what happiness is? Item misconceptions. Happiness is absolutely not the satisfaction of all desires, all philosophers agree on this! Regardless of your age, getting what you want brings temporary relief that looks like happiness, but not true happiness. I like it a little when we scratch where it bothers us, we feel a pleasant positive relief, but we feel very happy, everything is different!
Look at your child as a person who came exactly to you. Do not limit opportunities for creativity.
Why did mothers decide that all babies need the same approach, which is described in books?
I would like to cite the words of one of my very good now familiar Santosh Tumadin Kann:
“If it seems to you that the child is not interested in anything, find even more places where he can open up. Look even in those places that you never thought of, and when your child grows up, there will be no questions about where to send him; you only need to bless and let go. ”
And as soon as after the immediate satisfaction of desire, it is instantly created by the new, it is unquenchable. Thus, a person is created, he wants what he does not have, but as soon as he has it, he turns to what he does not yet have. To make your child happy, do not give him everything he wants, teach him to choose his priorities, tolerate disappointment, limit his desires. Explain that there are things that you can have, and others do not, this is life! Tell him that you, the parents, are subject to the same law, that you must agree to limit your desires.
The age of up to three years allows the child to enjoy the environment, it is very important for later life, which will present many gifts, fulfillment of all desires, dreams. If the child has lived the first three years of life in full permission, if he has not learned to accept gifts, attention, and all the best in life, then in the future everything will turn out well.
A happy child does what he likes
The rain is wet, we can not have everything we want! Before clear and consistent adults, kids immediately understand the logic of the world. It is important that parents help their baby to discover that there is pleasure in learning, that it requires effort, that it is sometimes difficult, that you need to start again, but that it is worth it, because, after all, satisfaction is tremendous.
Happy baby is sure to be happy
Of course, a healthy, balanced child who feels good in his head, is confident in life, smiles and laughs a lot with his parents and with his friends. But whether you are an adult or a baby, you can not be happy 24 hours a day! Negative emotions are not a sign of educational failure. To recognize that a child feels sad and able to discover that his sadness can disappear and that it does not lead to disasters is fundamental. He must make for himself his "psychological immunity."
This is the phrase "I want" - desires that come true. It is very important for any of your requests and requests. In other words: "I express my intention." They are equal in performance. The child himself regulates these processes, and if we interfere with one of them at the behest of the author of the book or the tutor, we will not allow the collection of certain reflexes to end, and this will affect the expression of any reflex or attention in the future.
We know that if we raise a child in strict hygiene, we increase the risk of developing allergies, because he cannot make his biological immunity. If you overtake your child with negative emotions, your mental immune system will not be able to learn how to organize.
Favorite baby is always happy
Unconditional and unlimited love of his parents is necessary, but not enough to make the child happy. To grow well, he also needs a frame. To find out how to say no when necessary, this is the best service we can give it. Parental love should not be exclusive. Beliefs like “We only know how to understand you, we alone know what is good for you” should be avoided. It is very important that parents agree that other adults may interfere in their education differently.
We are born Angels and we give birth to Angels: is this not enough for the happiness and health of the baby?
Allow your baby to be him, do not punish and do not ban, love him and thank him for his universal wisdom. 
Tip 5. Release energy
The child needs to rub with others, discover other relational modes, feel frustrated, sometimes suffer. You need to know how to accept this, this is the education that makes you grow. A happy child has many friends.
Of course, a child who is well and healthy generally feels comfortable in society and easily expresses what he feels. But this is not an absolute rule. You may have a different personality style and feel good about yourself. If social contacts tire your child more than others, if he is careful, he is a little restrained, regardless of whether he has discrete power in him. It is important for him to be happy, because this is how he feels that he is accepted as he is, that he has areas of freedom.
And one more important moment... Children, our beloved and beautiful, are for us the most disobedient creatures in the world. And we tell them: do not do this, then do not. Now imagine that they have accumulated a lot of energy that they want to release, and they are told “no”. What to do? We ourselves were taught to do only what is possible, but not taught where and how to release the accumulated energy. And as a result 
formed stock of repressed emotions. Do you want this for your child?
A child who loves peaceful happiness, who sings, jumps around, loves to play alone in his room, invents worlds and has several friends, finds in his life what he needs and flourishes just like a leader. more "popular" class.
A happy child never bothers
Parents have an obsessive idea that their child is bored, goes in a circle and remains unoccupied. As a result, they organize the schedules of the minister, multiply the activities. When our thoughts wander, when we do nothing, when we look at the landscape through the train window, for example, certain areas of our brain are activated - what scientists call the “default network”. This network plays a fundamental role in memory, emotional stability and identity building. Do not complete classes on Wednesdays and weekends for your child.
Even in the most radical case, there is a way out. This is a choice. For example, a child wants to beat the dishes ... Tell him that he cannot break the dishes, but then tell him how to let go of what's disturbing you. Offer him a choice, give something in return. And then you avoid creating locks that become more complex with age. And your family will be the happiest! For your happiness you need to fight every day, but it is worth it.
Let him choose those that he really likes, which really makes him happy, and separates them from moments when nothing is planned, breaks that will calm him, calm and inspire him to make his work. Do not get used to the "continuous reactive" actions, he will no longer appreciate them and will become adults, depending on the race for pleasure. That, as we have seen, is the opposite of true happiness.
It must be protected from stress.
Studies show that in children excessive stress is problematic, for example, excessive protection. It is better that the child is informed about what is happening in his family, with the simple and destructive words of his parents, and also understand that these same parents are facing: a lesson that takes place in adversity and that you can meet him will be precious. On the other hand, it is useless to expose a child to television news, if it is not his request, and in this case always be on his side to answer his questions and help him decipher images that can be overwhelming.
Elena Petrova-Osinnikova (vk.com/petrovaosinnikova) for the Women's magazine "Charm"
“The German philosopher, it seems, Hegel,” said that marriage is a legalized sex life. That is, two people are connected to continue the race. Could you formulate the ultimate goal of marriage?
In our life, everything is arranged in such a way that we can perform any of our tasks only in cooperation with someone else. Every person always needs another person. A man I could rely on who I can trust. A person who shares responsibility for me and for what happens to me.
After all, you can lose your health, memory, ability to work, work - everything ... Therefore, I have to trust myself, my life, to another person. To entrust as I would trust to myself. In fact, this is the “other me”. In life, anything can happen. And this is an element of insurance, an element of confidence, again, trust. I can trust another person as myself.
It is not by chance that each spouse is called a “mate”. We can not move on one leg, we can not do something with one hand. Therefore, we have a search for our second half. It’s hard for us to be harmonious if we haven’t found our other half ...
Modern young people often think that people unite in marriage in order to constantly experience very vivid sexual sensations. The significance of the physiological side of marriage today is unjustifiably exaggerated. This has many negative consequences for the future family.
One of the remote consequences of such misconceptions is that one of the spouses, most often a woman, through the regulation of sexual life, begins to seek privileges and benefits from the spouse. This is very well described in Eric Berne's Marital Games. With this tool, a woman begins to change the family hierarchy. If at some point she can say “no” to her husband, the husband becomes dependent on her, and she is the main one in this matter. And then begins to dominate in other matters ...
- From what moment does the family begin? Is "civil marriage" family?
Family implies a high degree of trust. My husband or my wife is the person I can rely on. No wonder there is such an understanding: "A husband is a stone wall." But the wife is a helper to her husband. It means that there should be a high degree of trust and responsibility of one person for another.
When we begin to live in a “civil marriage”, this is another test, like a movie test: one actor will be tried, another actor will be tried, the third actor will be tried ... And there is no such degree of trust in such a relationship when a person is fully revealed to another person.
I think that the family starts from the moment of the wedding. Family education is a great mystery. Even unbelieving people at the time of the wedding suddenly begin to realize that some kind of sacrament occurred in their life, which really made them a single being, completely inseparable. At this moment, great help is given to them, in addition to the efforts that they themselves are making to build a family.
I can testify that, sometimes, older people are getting married, and their adult children were already getting ready to divorce. And after the wedding of these elderly parents begins to die, calm down the situation in the families of their children, and young families remain.
- Nevertheless, even the Church recognizes that the family begins with state registration.
Marriage registration is very relevant to the feelings of responsibility and trust. Registration imposes certain legal rights. We now have a common household: all mine is yours. We have a common apartment, common children and shared responsibility for everything. And actually in modern world it makes a huge difference.
After all, not every person I can trust even my dog to walk. And trust your car, your cottage, your apartment? Namely, this person I can entrust everything.
“Some people who live in a civil marriage say that they have been living happily already for 5-10 years and ask the question:“ What would change the passport stamp for us? ”We understand that 5-10 years is not yet an indicator. This can be judged a little later, when 20 or 30 years of marriage have passed and people can say that they are happy. Then it will be more convincing. But what do you as a psychologist can answer such people?
You know, they only say they are calm and happy. The alarm element is always present. I, as a psychologist, can testify. In psychology, the phenomenon of "unfinished action" is well studied. In a “civil marriage” there is no termination effect. No completion, and anxiety is growing. Especially it grows in women with age, because the appearance changes, the man begins to look at young girls. Why it happens? It's just that our body is aging, and the soul remains young. A man does not always observe himself in the mirror, but sees that his wife seems to have grown old, and he does not feel old. He wants to shake himself up and go somewhere ... He sees that it will not always work out with his wife, and with a young girl, some secretary or employee, she will be fine with her. Relive the thrill that once experienced ...
In a “civil marriage”, a woman’s anxiety grows, and a man’s state of youthful irresponsibility. During the entire term of a “civil marriage,” he is “the bridegroom of the marriageer,” not the husband.
At the same time, “civil marriage” often seems more harmonious precisely because women in it still do not unfold their negative emotions in full force, but are forced to slow down themselves. Modern men prefer "civil marriage", because women in it behave more restrained. In a civil marriage, a woman is rarely a “general.”
- There are people who do not seek marriage. And there is another extreme - to idealize marriage and to represent it as a kind of cloudless happiness. It is not by chance that many films end with a wedding. Married, then everything will be fine. It is clear that it is not. What does marriage really mean in terms of achieving happiness?
I consult young couples who have everything for happiness - youth, health, apartment, car, cottage, money. But how do they spend their lives? They work or study, then come home, lie down on the sofa, watch TV, order pizza. So a month passes, half a year. In the end, they can not even look at pizza, and at each other, and the TV bothers, everything bothers. They want change. And everything collapses. They come to the psychologist: "What to do?"
It is appropriate to recall the formula of Suvorov: "It is hard to learn, easy in battle." In fact, family is a lot of physical work for a woman. Now our girls are brought up like this: English or French school, ballet, music school, etc. There is an intellectualization of the woman, but remember the upbringing of our noblewomen or grand princesses. They knew how to do everything. They lived very modestly, sewed, knitted, woven lace. In the institutions of noble maidens, where they raised our noblewomen, they paid a lot of attention to the household side. family life - the ability to manage a household, plan a family budget, cook, sew, knit, etc.
What is happening now is what was recently observed only in orphanage children, children from boarding schools and orphanages - a child was released from children's home, but he does not know how to brew tea, or cook pasta, or dumplings. Now we see this already in good home children.
The young got married. What are they doing? They order pizza ...
Girls need to be taught housekeeping. A girl, getting married at 19 or 25 years old, should not come to the pan for the first time in her life. Cook porridge, cook soup, bake pies and even bread, clean the room, clean the floors - this should be at the level of automatism, like that of the Suvorov soldiers. Then at the age of 19-25 she will not only begin to learn to cook and clean, to wash. This is equivalent to the fact that in 19-25 years a person will start learning to walk. Moreover, she has such an installation from her parents that it is good to study English, but cooking, washing, cleaning is dirty, unworthy, and nobody needs it.
The most important mission of a woman is to be a hostess. When she cooks food herself, but if she also has a peaceful spirit (prayer), then everyone is full and satisfied, and the children grow joyful, and the husband is calm, and there is peace in the family.
Therefore, it is necessary to encourage girls to do housework literally from the very early agewhen she asks: "Let me wash my face!", "Let me take it away!", "Let me do it!". Let her ineptly succeed, then you can fix something for her, finish it. Then, by the age of 14-15, she will be able to replace her mother in some matters. I know families where a teenage girl prepares soups or bakes pies - this is her duty.
Therefore, in the future, for the arrival of her husband she will have no problem what to feed him, and this is also one of the elements of happiness. Do everything quickly, beautifully, skillfully - then everyone will be satisfied and happy.
- What makes the family happier, and what less?
Remember Pushkin:
“There is no happiness in the world, but there is peace and will.
It has long been an enviable dream I share -
Long, tired slave, I planned to escape
In the abode of distant works and pure neg. "
I have a lot of emails with family problems in my inbox. They write women whose family is crumbling. It seems everything is there: there is a house, there is a car, there is a wonderful husband, my husband has decent wages and work, wonderful kids grow up - but there is no happiness. It would seem, why?
But when they begin to describe the details, everything becomes clear.
As a rule, in the current more or less well-established family, a woman is a “general”, and it seems to her that she keeps all family processes under control. But this is a very dangerous fallacy. Errors in the family structure are fraught with sudden collapses.
To make the problem more relief, evident for the “victim”, I sometimes ask her to imagine that she is the wife of, for example, King David. I say: “Among the set of his wives and concubines, your number is 75th ... And now the king came to you - you are happy to see him. Will you say no to him, or will you make claims to him to your husband, or express displeasure to him for some petty reason (for educational purposes, of course)? Bathsheba could hardly have said such a thing to King David. It was important for that woman to attract the king’s attention to himself, and that he would reach out for her, and the next time he would come. She was supposed to be attractive for him, joyful, so that from the 75th number she would become the “first” ...
Why do I use such a hyperbole? A woman says to me: “In my family, the husband is the main one, and I listen to him in everything.” But when she begins to list some episodes of her life, it is clear that her husband is not at all the main thing. The wife is extremely disinhibited in her various manifestations: first of all, negative emotions. Then we have to give such an example. And then she begins to understand something ... And family relations are beginning to gradually improve ... Why? Because she starts to slow herself down - she remembers her number and wants to move forward, reduce the distance. And for this you need to be attractive, pleasant. A wife cannot dictate terms to her husband. Otherwise, it will not only be the 75th, it will not even be three hundredth: it will simply remove it from its surroundings ...
In the film "Kuban Cossacks" there is a very beautiful episode. The chairmen of collective farms participate in horse racing. Two men are ahead, a man and a woman. They are young, beautiful and secretly love each other, despite constant industrial conflicts. The woman (played by Latynina) is easily and obviously leading, but literally several meters before the finish she holds her horse, giving primacy to the beloved man, and the second one comes.
This is an example of female wisdom. A woman should follow a man in everything, and not rush ahead of him, only then she realizes herself as a woman.
Samples of worldly wisdom can be extracted even from fairy tales.
Ivan Tsarevich, in his long search for a bride, wanders through the forest, stumbles upon a hut with Baba Yaga. She asks him a question: “Who are you? Where are you going? .. ”What does he answer to her? “You, old one, feed me first, give me a drink, go to the bathhouse, and then try (ask questions)!”
The meaning of any fairy tale is very significant. Installations are brought up, which later in life will help us. Let's look at a similar situation in family life.
Often we hear a complaint from young wives: the husband came home, and she was all steamed, tortured, her children scream, something did not work, something broke. His wife sees an assistant in him who will help her get it all done, put the children to bed. But he came home tired and hungry. He came from the outside world, "from the battle." In fact, men's life is very difficult and difficult, much more difficult than women's. In the outside world, he recalled his wife and children, he wanted silence, peace - to cuddle up to his wife, to hug children. At home he is met by bedlam, noise, chaos. The wife is all in a mess, she grabs the child, drags somewhere and shouts along the way: “Well, you cook something for yourself!” And the scandal begins.
And how should it be? Here the husband comes home, a hot dinner is ready for his arrival. No need for children to hang on dad like pears. Children quickly cleaned into another room. Dad came - everything, peace and quiet. A man needs an hour and a half to just come to his senses. When the husband eats, drinks, breathes a little - he is able to caress his wife and children and talk with them.
I know such families. For example, this ... Mom in this family, as they say, by the nature of "tank" - and with the children managed as a "cook with potatoes." But all the same, when mother with children is at home - there is noise, din. They have a dog - completely ill-mannered, everyone yells at her: “May you finally shut up or not!”, Everyone kicks her. Dad came home from work - the dogs are not visible, not heard, she hid under the table, the children went to their room: "Hush, dad came!". Moreover, the son is under two meters tall, a very “big” guy, and his dad is somewhere under his arm and more fragile. But: “Daddy has come! Silence everything two-meter son. - “Well, how are you doing there?” ... Silence, peace: dad in the house!
Now this young man picked up a girl of the same kind as his mother. I don’t know yet she is a “tiger” or “tank”, but with him she is a very calm, peace-loving girl.
Mom needs to think about what kind of picture of family life children will have. Unfortunately, more and more often the picture of the children is imprinted: the father is a tyrant, comes, immediately begins to make trouble with the mother, the mother is nervous, the tension in the house. Children begin to condemn dad for tyranny, for bad temper. Being angry with my father, do not let him touch his toys, stroke the kitten ...
And why? Because this moment, a trifle like - dad entered the house - is incorrectly built. Who was to build it, a man or a woman? Of course, woman! In general, the responsibility for marital happiness lies largely with the woman. A woman should build her house.
There is such a thing - “emotional infection”. A woman infects her emotions with other family members. Psychologist Adolph Ulyanovich Kharash has a very good image: he compares a woman with a dog holder, but under dogs means emotion. Whom a woman does not love - her children, husband and pets do not like him. Nobody realizes what's the matter, but the aggression of all households is directed against this person. Although she did not say anything. She infects everyone with her emotions, her attitude.
In order to have peace and happiness in the house, the wife must keep herself at peace and peace. The husband came - she calmed down, calmed everyone down, so she gave this calm state to both her children and her husband. And the children then remember these moments of the arrival of the father from work as a state of happiness, joy, and peace. For children to be calm and happy, they must live in a calm environment. To do this, a woman, due to her tendency to bright emotional outbursts, has to show the will to slow herself down from time to time.
Opposite to calm state of tension, discontent. "I, poor, exhausted, I have so many things, but he does not help me, he should help me in household chores." Well, what will the children of such a mother remember? What will they later reproduce in their life? ..
- You talked about the family, in which, apparently, dad is a very strong personality, it is hardly possible in modern families, where men are more intelligent, softer, more flexible.
I didn’t just say that this woman is a “tank” by nature. This is exactly the case when the "king makes retinue" - a good wife in the presence of her husband wisely retreat to second place. And the husband is there by nature rather soft person. Yes, and the son is also extremely at the present time peaceful.
There are even more vivid cases. For example, I know a family where a woman is 15 years older than her husband, occupies a fairly high social position. A very strong, domineering personality, but communication with her husband (“refined intellectual” - there is such an expression) is built in the same way - with her she is surprisingly quiet and gentle. The family is strong, good children grow up ...
- How to change your habits, how to overcome egoism?
When we live together, we always sacrifice something. When a woman devotes most of her time to housework, seemingly unrewarding affairs, in fact everything pays off a hundredfold - the children grow up good, healthy, the husband is pleased, the family is happy. She sacrifices her time - pots, washing the floor, cleaning. Although at the same time she is in something a professional, a good specialist.
But now, with the advent of the Internet, it is possible to realize oneself in almost any sphere. She put the children to bed - and you can devote some of your time to work - to do translations, either as an accountant, or as a lawyer to work. There are many possibilities.
From the woman’s side, sacrifice must be immense, the woman must turn in this direction. On the part of the man, there is also a sacrifice. Our boys, brought up by women without male influence, are very emotional and tend to hedonism, to the emotional point of happiness and joy. And in fact, “who gave, he will arrive to him, who did not give, lost” (Shota Rustaveli).
Happiness (family, first of all) - is to give.
For example, dad came, he was given the opportunity to rest, and then he could go and watch TV all evening or lie on the couch, but he feels the need to take care of children and begins to do homework with the children, or goes with them for a walk. That is, sacrifices this gap of peace, which seemed so desirable to him. Somewhere forcing himself, doing something through force, gives himself to the family, but then he gets a huge return in the form of joy. The son begins to do something following the example of the father or his daughter to someone on the phone with pride say: "But my dad - he is like that! ..". At such moments, a person feels a sense of joy and happiness, and realizes that it was not for nothing that he showed the will despite his tiredness.
“Young people like to talk about the fact that now there are other times, progress, new technologies, so now everything has to change. Why is the commandment that the husband is the head of the family not outdated today? In what sense is he the head?
One can say about two opposing aspirations in the world - it is order and chaos. The order is strictly hierarchical. Everything starts to build on how you live and raise your children, and how you feel about life. If all this is built correctly, then your whole life is built. In fact, it goes as if on invisible, someone laid tracks. It goes correctly and measured. Sometimes, you can jump off these rails, but with the help of some effort, go back and everything will be fine. If life is randomized, then nothing good happens.
There is always someone more important and someone less important.
Take the psychophysiological characteristics of women and men. A man is first of all a mind ("ration"), a head. It is not just that they say: “husband is the head of the family”, “man is a stone wall”, and woman is a huge storehouse of emotions. Emotions cannot lead us through life, because emotions are wrong. Emotions are situational, momentary. We know how hard it is to work with women leaders, because often they make significant decisions under the influence of emotional preferences with which they are not always able to cope, and they do not consider it necessary to do so.
The family is a small Church, the hierarchy is built up in it, which is assimilated by the growing child, and the child then searches for and finds this order in all subsequent life and begins to reproduce it. If the father is the head of the family, of such a small cell, then the child begins to understand that there is another Head, another Center, the main Center to which everything in life submits, and around which everything is built. And a person tries to find his place in life and fulfill his task, rather than live in mirages.
Happiness is the search for and finding your part in life, your task, your purpose, and your place in this hierarchical life structure.
- Suppose there are financial opportunities for a woman not to work. In what situation should work, and in what situation to stay at home?
I will try to answer the example. A wonderful beautiful, well-groomed woman comes to me and brings a teenage child. As compared with her, a child, like a Neanderthal, is at a completely different stage of development, although his intellect is within the age norm. The eyes are dull, it seems there is no thought. Inside, I always feel a shock. How can such a woman have such a child?
And who brought him up? Manger kindergartenschool? In fact, no one brought up, he was just there. And then we should not be surprised when these children later send their elderly parents to nursing homes or agree to their euthanasia.
And why is this happening? A woman seeks to unleash her potential, trying to fulfill herself. To do this, try to remove all interference, including the child.
I have seen so many unfortunate destinies ... For example, a woman, a famous actress or a big leader - in her old age she remains alone with a single sick child. Sometimes a child is mentally ill or, in common parlance, “lost” - unviable. More than one child she could not afford - she was very much in demand. And now he says: “How can I continue to live? After all, I have to leave this world already. I know that I will leave, and he will immediately die. Someone will need his apartment, and he will not be able to either keep the apartment or feed himself. If I started all over again, I would live in a completely different way. I do not need glory, nor beauty, nor flowers, nor compliments. Now I would have several children, a calm old age, even if one child is sick, but others are healthy, and I would quietly go to that world. ” A scream shouts, "Do something!" Tell the young people not to repeat my mistakes! ”
Here is such a sad result of a bright, carelessly lived woman's life!
It happens that graduates or classmates meet and compare their success. Some of the women have made a wonderful career, and some have many children. A mom with many children, maybe plump, doesn’t take good care of herself, but she is so peaceful, so good. All - both men and women who have gathered, begin to “envy” this woman, because she has found and realized her meaning in life. This is the meaning of a woman’s life, and having realized herself as a woman, she helped to realize herself and her husband and her children. She performed the most important task in her life.
Serafim Sarovsky has this expression: “Save yourself, and thousands around you will be saved.” Here, she found herself. She understood: “At the moment I have to cook a pot of borsch, because I have five children. I have to clean the mountains of linen. ” And others at this time thought: “Why do I need this? Why should I be this listener, better I spend all the time on myself, I will build my career. ” And then what? And then - about 50, 60 - and everything collapsed, everything is very scary. It is not for nothing that it is said: “Remember death, and you shall never sin.”
- Now many young families argue this way - we will live together, for ourselves, and then, in five years, we will have children. What do you think of it?
In order to live for yourself, and then have children, you need to take some measures. Often this is exactly the woman. She takes measures that cripple her health and in fact are hidden type of murder of children. That is, abortions, spirals, hormonal pills, drugs that interrupt pregnancy. All of this falls heavily on the children born. We have to pay for those killed lives, firstly, children born, secondly, mothers, who just wanted to live well and happily, plan everything well and correctly, logically, rationally build their lives.
And who told you that you will still have time to realize yourself as parents?
Or, for five years, a person lives for his own pleasure, and then he tries to have children, but they are not born to him. The question arises - where to take the child. Trying to solve it with the help of surrogate mothers, or how to take a child from an orphanage - this is a huge layer of problems.
Responsibility and acceptance - the roles of man and woman in the family ( Psychologist Alexander Kolmanovsky)Marriage: the end and the beginning of freedom ( Psychologist Mikhail Zavalov)
Does the family need a hierarchy? ( Psychologist Michael Hasminsky)
If you create a family, then for life ( Yury Borzakovsky, Olympic champion)
The country of the family is a great country ( Vladimir Gurbolikov)