In the overwhelming majority of families, the father’s work is almost entirely outside the home. The children see how the mother works in the household, but they do not see how the father works. Mother's work gives everyone the perceived benefits and comforts of home: delicious food, clean clothes, comfort and order. And what does the work of the father give? Salary - something inaccessible and incomprehensible to children.
For a son, a father is a pattern from which he consciously or unconsciously copies behavior. Delayed in early childhood often remains for life, largely determining the decent (or unworthy) behavior of a young man. The father helps the boy to develop such true male character traits as endurance, generosity, courage, etc.
For the daughter, the father is the first sample of a man, the first example of positive (or negative) masculine behavior.
The father is the strength, the mind, the support of the family in everyday difficulties. This is a reasonable, fair elder friend to children. Under the supervision and protection of the father, children live well and happily.
The father’s positive example in raising children is so important and significant that society must constantly take care to support him when he is and strive to make up for his absence. With the first clear. But how to compensate the child's lack of paternal authority?
First of all, mothers need help from close men: elder brother, grandfather, uncle, etc.
Father's life in the family - in front of children. They all see, notice errors and errors in behavior and condemn it strictly, almost cruelly. "You fooled me. You promised to go to the zoo with me, but you didn’t go ”,“ You promised to buy me a toy and didn’t buy it ”,“ You demand that I make the bed, but you don’t fill it with you ... ”Parents teach young children to all sciences, and children one is practical morality.
Over the years, children begin to realize that mistakes in the behavior of children are most often unintended. Over time, as he grows older, his father needs more and more sympathy and understanding of his weaknesses, and that maturing children forgive his mistakes that he made out of inexperience and ignorance. Then the father will understand best of all, he will see who he has brought up: decent people or stale egoists.
Probably every father wants to see his children good. Recently, many have become more attentive to family problems, to raising children. Now men are much more willing to attend parent meetings and help children do their homework than they do in cooking and washing clothes. However, more and more men consider it necessary to share with the wife and work in the household. So, they correctly understand the father's debt.
The classification of the paternal relationship to the child
Two paternal types are distinguished depending on which psychological need for men is stronger - to take care of, to care for or to teach: 1) men eager to take care of, fatherhood captures with full force only in the first years of a child’s life when he is weak, helpless, defenseless, and his crying causes a rush to help; 2) in other men, the leading need is to teach, transfer their knowledge and skills, i.e. make a child literally his heir.
There is another classification of fathers:
1) Big friend. After returning from work, this dad immediately begins an endless series of games: first, he and the child collect and disassemble the designer, then play hide and seek and salki. But usually this “big friend” stops, confident that he did everything that was needed. And visits to the pediatrician, visiting the school, helping to prepare lessons ... He leaves all these small, from his point of view, efforts to his mother. “Big friend” is great, but if you consider that a child’s life will have many friends, then who will be his dad?
2) The leader of the family. The most traditional type of father. All household chores are of no interest to him. This is a man who feels at ease only when he is engaged in men's affairs. He is confident that his presence gives the child a sense of security. In addition, he teaches him all the necessary skills.
3) Exceptional Dad. This is the father who sometimes even better mom versed in her traditional duties! The only thing that dad-hens are at risk of is to get carried away and become ... another mom, i.e. competitor, not a supplement. And if dad takes mom's place, then who will be on my father's?
4) Eternal young spouse. He adores the child and is always ready to help his wife ... But he cannot give up his motorcycle, friends, and favorite activities. In addition, he can not get rid of the impression that the mother is too much involved with the child. Why bother with his lessons for two hours or so upset about his grades?
So, there are various types of paternal attitudes towards children. But, despite these differences, many researchers highlight the overall importance of the father in the development of the child. Nowadays, no one is surprised that many men are present at the birth of his wife. And this does not pass without a trace either for the father or for the child. For example, fathers who provide assistance during or immediately after childbirth, note that they almost immediately became attached to the child, felt emotional lift, pride, and grew in their own eyes. The data of many studies suggest that fathers who held the child in their arms immediately after birth continued to play more with their children and take care of them.
Such an attitude on the part of the father is very important for the development of the child. Thus, according to the results of a single study, children whose fathers actively participated in their upbringing, showed higher marks in psychomotor and mental development.
And here is another study. Comparing children who grew up with and without fathers, scientists found that even an incompetent, often inattentive parent is in fact very important. Children who grew up without fathers often have a reduced level of anxiety and neurotic symptoms are more common. The absence of a father adversely affects the learning and self-esteem of children, especially boys. It is more difficult for them to assimilate male roles and the corresponding style of behavior, which leads to aggressiveness and cruelty.
So, we see that the role of the father in raising a child is very large.
Let's talk today about our fathers, to learn to appreciate their care. A good father is a man’s standard for his children. He is a model of strength, support and discipline. His work in raising children is endless and often ungrateful. It becomes visible in children whom he raises to his feet.
Anyone can become a father, but only a man with a kind heart will become a good dad.
In this article you will find a description of 16 signs that you have a good, best father who could have been. The purpose of this article is to encourage thinking about our fathers.
Usually, words of appreciation speak to them several times a year for holidays. Should I wait for some dates to show my appreciation and admiration for my father? Take time to reflect on its best sides, on what is special, distinguishing it from other fathers. So we did to my brother. Find out why we consider him the best, good father and look at your own in the same way.
Unfortunately, we all do not visit our fathers so often. I think you will agree with the words of Marshal's "Batya" song. Listen to her.
1. He is a skilled man with golden hands.
The father is the person to whom you always resort and resort when you need help. A bicycle is broken, a toy is faulty, a birdhouse is made, the engine in the car is “swaggering” - everything is OH! And how did you look at his box or tool bag? When he took them, you were sure: Dad would fix everything you broke. In his hands a tool, any wrench - this magic wand is the solution to any of your faults, breakdowns.
2. Understanding, able to adapt
Dad realizes that the world is changing. He does not try to preserve fashion, life in the style of the 80s, but allows children to live with relevant contemporary views on life. Allows you to use social media, various IT-news. Dad realizes that the look of his child is different from his look at many things. Our father never rushed to the conclusion that it was bad. I tried to figure it out and understand: why do children think so, act?
3. Has a relevant sense of humor.
Father knows how to joke and have fun. It's never boring with him. He is able to defuse the oppressive situation or embarrassing situation with an appropriate joke. Even in difficult situations and difficulties with it, never in the company is not boring.
4. Believes in you
The father has always believed and believes in the abilities of his children. Even if you have not achieved success, continues to believe in you. Maybe he doesn’t tell you about it, but quietly and silently continues to believe in your success. And when you reach him by your father you can see how pleased he is. When you were interested in some idea, hobby, section, study, he was ready to invest money in it. I never dissuaded, did not say that it was a waste or a waste of money. So always did our father.
5. He is your best friend.
Dad is one of the first to know that a new thing has happened, is happening or will happen in your life, learns about all the changes. It is interesting to walk, relax, communicate with him. You can talk with him about everything that interests you, what's on your mind. His stories always show paternal care and wisdom. Only a good dad can become a true devoted friend with whom to have fun.
6. His wife is your mother, for him he is a friend of life.
Dad respects family values and appreciates his wife. Maybe the father does not know how to show his love to his wife in everyday life, but when the mother is sick, you see how Dad is going through, sometimes crying bitterly. Thanks to his example, you have learned about true love - these are not only compliments, but thoughts and experiences for your loved one.
7. Father can discipline
It does not only threats, shouts or a belt. It does it by the power of its words and actions. He is not trying to prove his line causing you humiliation. To teach a lesson to him calmly enough, but strictly talk. And you understand: the father will not let you get off the right path.
8. Father restrained
When you have done something: you got drunk, the police detained, hit the car ... you expected that your father would punish you "I don’t want to." Instead, Dad held it down and found out what happened. To your surprise, you saw his sympathy for you, a silent reproach and the pain you caused him. Agree, such a lesson taught you more than any beatings. You no longer want to upset him.
9. My father is a reliable person.
You can always count on your father: he will not let you down in any business. His words do not disagree with affairs: he promised, he did. You can lean on it in any difficulties.
10. Father likes our society.
He is always interested in talking to us. Speak like a man. Maybe your dad was on the bench watching your sports. providing support in sports competitions, games. He liked and likes just chatting with you. He loves to walk with you. Or as a child, he loved to read you books, telling fictional, interesting stories, fairy tales. Doesn't this prove that you have the best dad?
11. Father is a role model.
Even having a complex character, he overcame himself, broke it in order to “not go too far,” raising us to decent people. My father did not just tell us how we should live, to go through life, - he showed this by personal example. He has good qualities. He is respected by colleagues and friends. Dad does not show himself to impress others. Lives in principle - things speak for themselves! His rule - children have the right to implement their own ideas.
12. Selflessness - his credo
He always does everything in the interests and needs of his family. As a rule: the interests of those who are close to him for him are higher than his own. Does your dad always help others? This is a clear sign that he is an unselfish person. Doing someone a favor, helping, he expects nothing in return. We sometimes wondered how other people abused it, but my father continued to do so. This taught us that not everything is measured in life with money. Only the best, the best father can do that.
You can come to him for advice when problems arise. He keeps the "ears and heart" open to grasp the very essence. Only having penetrated, having understood and thought over everything, offered us possible solutions to the problem. His words helped to see his mistakes or strengths. They helped us to become mature people. Father's advice is relevant, always in the subject, reliable, proven personal experience and knowledge. Father taught us by example what it means to be men.
14. Everyone respects him
When a father does not take part or is not present at any events, everyone is interested in him: what happened, where could he be? He is a nice person. Many people like his company. Even your friends are interested in being in his company: spending time together.
15. The father is ready to protect his family at any cost.
Dad is a man in the house! Hardworking, working hard for his family to have everything they need. When his wife, children are threatened with something, he will always come to the aid and protection. We never doubted that it would be so - the father would not protect it, help, help it. It will not look how terrible a threat or a big opponent is. Dad by all means will protect us
16. We cannot be without our father!
Beautifully sang about Father Slavik from “Pelmen”, look. We are sure the words of this song are consonant with your feelings.
Why there is a need to write this article
Sometimes I notice how especially young people are ashamed of their fathers. Why?
Think how often the film industry today represents the ideal father? Tall man, handsome, snow-white smile. Beautiful white teeth, trained body, cool car. It is not clear where he works, but money flows like a river. A bit arrogant, careless indulgence towards other people and an unprecedented generosity towards their children.
On the other hand, young people look at their fathers. Most of them are tired, working a lot and for meager wages. It may be in a battered cap, a worn raincoat, or an inexpensive Chinese windbreaker. Somewhere already with a tummy. He dreams of making a new house or car loan.
It is clear that in such comparisons real fathers are inferior to ideal movie heroes. This may affect the attitude of young people who think that my father is not the best.
But what is the reality?
These heroes are the product of the film industry. The reality is that many of these heroes are mired in drugs, alcoholism, homosexuality, and treason. They have many children born out of wedlock from different women.
If you ask these children and women: are they happy that their father, lover, husband is an idealized product of the film industry? What will they say ???
Now look closely at your father: he is a thousand times better than them! This is how some have spoken, properly looking at their fathers.
Sayings
Some sayings: “My father is awesome! He gave me life, education, taught me, hugged, clothed, punished and most importantly - dad loves me unconditionally. "
„My dad is my hero! It took me many years to realize how much he did for me. I am very grateful to him. "
“I truly believe that my father is an amazing person. Dad has certain qualities that just make him outstanding. "
“My dad was such a powerful and impressive force in my life that I cannot imagine how I would have been without him. I just want to say thanks to him! “
Can you say such words about your father? Maybe your dad is an amazing person and a terrific father. You just did not think about it. Think about the qualities that distinguish your father, and share this by writing to us.
Conclusion
I am sure that many of these signs are in your fathers. Your father today is as good a father and a terrific person as you value him! Remember, a good father always stimulates his children wisely to achieve success.
Andronic Oleg, Gennady
Very often, children who grew up in an orphanage or an incomplete family, where only their mother raised them, as adults, dream of finding a father. The reason for this they call different. Some say: “To look into the eyes of a man who has abandoned his child.” Others want to know their roots. Still others hope to find in his father an explanation of one’s actions or character traits.
All this confirms the idea that the father plays a special role in raising children in the family, regardless of whether boys or girls grow up in it.
V. A. Sukhomlinsky wrote: “Historical family relationships are such that the father’s work, which has the goal of caring for the health, life and well-being of children, becomes the basis of his morality ... If we are talking about the civilian image of the father, his ability to be a model for children , the man’s citizenship is determined primarily by his ability to be in charge. ”
Simply put, it is the father in the family that forms the concept of debt in children. First, it is a duty to himself, then - a duty to his relatives. And, finally, the highest duty of a citizen, the duty of a person and a person is a duty to the Motherland.
And, according to scientists - psychologists, at the heart of the formation of all personality traits of a person and his abilities is the concept of duty learned by an adolescent, transferred to a volitional quality, the realization that “if I don’t do my best, I’ll not be able to achieve, help, create etc. An example for children in this case is the father - a responsible, hardworking, wise, loving person.
Self-removal of fathers from their functions, due to various circumstances, is reflected in the fact that the formation of the basic qualities of the children will be given over to “the wives and mothers”. Sociologist I.S. Kohn claims that a woman most often becomes the de facto head of the family.
There are also families in which mother and father, as it were, have changed roles: the mother is demanding, and the father is docile, everything permits. There is an incorrect sexual orientation: a boy in such a family becomes feminine, passive, the girl is powerful. And this leads to conflicts with peers, leads to neuroses and loneliness.
Sometimes there are also families in which children are no more aware of the father’s role and place than in the times of A.P. Chekhov: “Behind this room there is another where the dad doesn’t let and where it flashes - a highly mysterious person. Nanny and mom are understandable: they dress Grisha and put him to bed, but for what there is a dad - it is not known. ” Those who are accustomed to addressing all their problems to the mother, and not to the father, who “cannot be disturbed” or “once,” the children cease to address him, the authority that falls to the authority of the lodger.
Being a father in our time is more difficult than before. The “congenital” right, on the primacy of the family, of “hereditary” authority, as it was in traditional Russian families, is currently no longer the father. But the “innate” authority of the father can be replaced by the acquired authority, which is determined by all his behavior in the family, care for her.
The father is the strength, the mind, the support of the family in everyday difficulties. This is a reasonable, fair elder friend to children. I remember how often mother told us: “Ask your father: he knows.” Or “father will show how to do it.” And we knew that this was so.
The real father is generous and selfless. Under his supervision and protection, children live well and happily. By his behavior and example, the father gives the children confidence in their actions and achievement of the goal. He will not allow children in life to go the wrong way.
In our family, everything was kept on my father, although he was an invalid of World War II. Therefore, after his death (my mother and I still had schoolchildren with my brother), she was forced to leave the taiga village in the north of the region to visit relatives in the Bogdanovichsky district.
Each child is important and good word of the father, and an example, and affection, and walk, and work together. His heart fills with joy when an adult, a man takes care of him.
Of course, being attentive and caring to children is the main thing. But the father must be sufficiently demanding, because. general principle Pedagogy - the unity of respect and demanding. You can not respect without demanding, and you can not demand without respect. Therefore, it is very important what tone the father will choose in dealing with children.
In a family, it is better to take the requirements into a request form. The tone of the order and order is particularly unsuitable when children are in their teens. Otherwise, disruption, conflicts between children and mothers occur more often than between them and the fathers. These conflicts are less painful, less lasting.
As for the conflicts of children with fathers, they occur less frequently, but they are deeper and more dramatic. It takes more time and effort to resolve them.
Father's life in the family - in front of children. They see everything, notice all the errors and errors in behavior and condemn it strictly, almost cruelly: “You have deceived me. He promised to go to the rink and did not go, "" You promised to read a book, and myself ..., "" You say that I shouldn’t sniff my nose, and you sniff ... ", etc.
Probably, every father wants to see his children hard-working, responsible, independent, but how often do fathers forget that the basis of the formation of these qualities of children is the example of the parents, especially the example of the father. After all, it is not for nothing that the people say: “The apple does not fall far from the apple tree.” Although there is an exception to this rule.
G. Guz, veteran pedtruda.
Before you - a male book about fatherhood. In it, men themselves voluntarily discuss family relationships and parenting. More than that - the stars. Successful in the profession, what are they in the family? Their experience and the most efficient conclusions are commented by a psychologist.
Why we published this book
Fatherhood is a gift lost in our time, and efforts are needed to return it to modern life. And not only for men, but also for women, because their support and help solve a lot. About what is the significance of family and fatherhood for men, how to find their place in the new system of relationships and build them, how to raise children, reason, based on his experience, famous fathers.
Quote:
Peter Dmitrievsky, family psychologist: “In our age, cultural requirements for men are actively expanding. He should be an interesting interlocutor, and develop as a person, and be a competent educator ... Listen to the chorus of popular literature, so it turns out that a good father will be the one who learns to be another good mother for the child. How to meet these conflicting requirements and keep masculinity? ”
The book was published in the framework of the All-Russian project “To be a father!”, The purpose of which is to support the values of responsible fatherhood. Project initiators: Andrew the First Called Foundation, an online magazine for real fathers "Batya", the publishing house "Nikaia".
A man is not only a breadwinner and the provision of a family is not his last task. Becoming a father, he must understand how important his role in raising a child is. Really responsible men always think about how to become a great dad, properly influence a child, give him a worthy example and raise the right qualities in his crumbs.
Of course, parents are not born, but the skills of dealing with a child and communicating with it come with experience, and the desire to give the baby the best will lead to an excellent result.
How to become a super dad
Starting to understand that the appearance of a child is connected not only with difficulties and responsible daily tasks, but also with the immense happiness of being a father, a strong half of humanity begins to wonder how not to miss important things in raising a child and become a dad with the prefix "super." Perhaps the following recommendations will help to understand this difficult matter.
To some, these tips will seem obvious. But for a society in which many men grew up without paternal support in childhood, such instructions are very valuable.
1. Do not idealize. Do not try to be the best dad
You may not be able to wear a diaper, do not know the difference between the types of baby powder, and be horrified by the upcoming swaddling, but at the same time be a good, caring and attentive father. First of all, try to become a wonderful husband, be involved in the life of your wife, share her concerns and efforts, take an interest in the child and his health. Learn to care for your baby, no matter how difficult it may seem. A family full of love and understanding is the main thing that your little one needs from birth.
If you really want to be a good father, do everything to become the most best husbandbecause just such men become good fathers.
A man who strives to become an excellent father is unlikely to be able to do this if he never tries to duck his baby, tell him a fairy tale or cheer him up, making a face. Life consists of thousands of little things, and it is wrong to assume that a banal change of diapers or bathing is not worth your attention. Any contact with a baby is very valuable both for him and for you. Do not be afraid to do something wrong, try, learn, and your work will bear fruit.
No need to idealize the child. Of course, for you, baby best person in the world, but remember that he is a person, just like you, he can make mistakes, do something better, and something worse, contrary to your expectations.
Do not be discouraged if the child in his development does not resemble a prodigy, do not compare him with other children. Scarce learns everything, its development does not have to coincide with what is written in smart books and on websites. Let your baby be yourself, learn from your mistakes, gain invaluable experience.
As soon as possible, start living the same way you lived before the baby was born.With the first child everything seems to go crazy. They sit at home for months, thinking “what if something happened to a child on the street”. What could happen to him? This is a child, not a crystal set. About two weeks after giving birth, try with your wife to lead the same life again as before. Babies tolerate travel very easily. Restaurant, shopping, plane - take the child with you, do not deny yourself what you did before his birth. Once you try, you will notice that there is nothing to worry about. Yes, with a child everything is different, but not as much as it usually seems to young parents. It is important to feel like a couple again, because sitting in a four-wall room without any eyes can turn into a lot of stress.
2. Take care of the baby's mom
You are tired and exhausted after a couple of hours of active play with the child, and now imagine his mother, who devotes the child round the clock, managing to remake a lot of household chores. Of course, no one detracts from your professional merit, the ability to provide for your family. Just think about what the chronic fatigue and lack of sleep of your woman can lead to, and how it will affect the whole family. Try to unload the mother of your baby, spend time with the child, let the woman take a walk and relax, chat with friends, do what she likes.
Ask your grandmother and nanny to sit with your baby, while you and your wife go to the cinema, theater, and devote time to each other. Participate in the purchase of strollers, baby food, accessories, because in fact with the baby is not so easy to run to the store.
Remember, a good dad is certainly a good spouse, so try to create in your second half conditions for rest and a change of activities. Good husband makes sure that his wife does not burn out emotionally from the constant care of the child.
3. Separate child care at night
Full sleep - the guarantee of good health, however, with the advent of crumbs deep sleep become perhaps a quivering dream. The baby requires constant care, and night is no exception. Getting up several times a night is pretty hard, especially difficult when only one parent does it. Share this duty with the baby's mother, this will not only make her life easier, but also bring you together as spouses.
“This is not the most fun pastime, but then you will be proud of yourself. Babies are sometimes confused day to night, expecting full attention during those hours when adults usually sleep. Somehow my wife and I changed the diaper to a baby. 4.00 at night, we are both tired, the child is screaming, we both have no strength to calm him down. And at some point we looked at each other and laughed. It was kind of hysterical laughter. While we were laughing, the baby suddenly stopped crying. We put a new diaper on him, put him in his crib and he immediately fell asleep. Would you like to go up to the child several times a night knowing that no one will help you? It is clear that my wife did not want either. Yes, it's all very hard, but I said that children are great. I didn't say it was easy. ”An excerpt from Scott Kelby’s book Fear of Fatherhood. A book for guys who think they don't want children. ” Translation Fathers Club.
4. Show tenderness and love
Do not think in stereotypes, like: "I am a man, all these" pink snot "and hugs are female prerogatives." In fact, the manifestation of love is necessary for children of any age, from birth to adulthood. Do not skimp on hugs, kisses. The child understands the language of touch, hug, kissing. In general, this is how people express their love, but fathers sometimes consider such an expression of feelings inappropriate. Forget about these stereotypes.
A child should always feel that he is loved and you have all the possibilities for this. Such a child becomes happy. And happily runs to meet you and jumps on his hands. The expression of love is something you will never regret in the future. You can always rub his hair while walking, hug him tightly before going to school or kiss his forehead. Often it says more than words.
5. Think of your childhood.
Transfer all the good things that you remember from your own childhood to your family. If you had a great father, then try using his parenting methods. If your relationship with your dad was not particularly successful, then you know exactly what mistakes you need to avoid in order to become truly better.
6. Teach your child something you need.
Let the ability to hold a toothbrush in your hands will be your joint victory, instill necessary skills in your child: from going to the toilet to shaving during adolescence, learn to ride a bicycle, behave decently. Your participation will be indispensable for both the child and his mother. Teach children with your wife. You and she should be involved in teaching children the necessary skills. Help the children learn from their own mistakes. If they did something wrong, you should explain to them how to act in the future, and not just punish them.
7. Consider the punishment system.
Consider if you are not too cruel to the child, whether the punishments are commensurate with the misdemeanors. Be fair and consistent, let your words do not differ with deeds. Teach the child to be disciplined, gently point out mistakes and blunders. Never allow your bad mood, problems at work to affect your actions towards the child. Control emotions, even if he puts you out of yourself, try to speak calmly, do not let off steam in his presence.
Never use physical force, regardless of your emotional state, do not beat or humiliate the child, he will suffer not only physically, but also emotionally. You can seriously harm not only your relationship, but also the psyche of the child, its further development as a person.
Never raise a hand on a child. The same goes for your wife. There is no excuse for this behavior. If a man beats his child or wife, it is most often a sign of cowardice and dishonesty. Even a word never humiliate him. Do not call him a dumbass or an idiot or anything else that will make him doubt how valuable he is to you and how unique he is.
We also read:
Agree on educational moments with your wife so that your approaches do not differ, and it didn’t happen that one of the parents for the baby will seem better.
Find the edge when you are not too strict, so that the child is afraid to be frank with you, but at the same time, he felt your authority and firmness.
8. Praise and encourage
Always pay attention to the child’s achievements, praise if they did something good, for example, they got fives, helped their younger brother or sister solve a difficult task, or were smart enough to avoid a fight; tell the children how proud you are of them. In, never leave only the whip, punishment and censure always interspersed with sincere praise. Show how proud you are with your son or daughter, let them understand how you appreciate their perseverance, intelligence, ability and desire to strive for success.
There is no need to expose a child as a hero if he does something that is his responsibility, whether it be cleaning the room, or collecting toys, so that he does not consider everyday activities a favor to his parents.
Let the children know that rewards are not only material, explain what actions are worthy of respect, so that the child can do good deeds without any additional incentives.
- By encouraging small children for good deeds, you help them understand how proud you are of them.
- Encouraging children with toys or entertainment is a great incentive to repeat good deeds, but it should not be the only one. Teach your children to distinguish between good and bad so that they do good deeds without any encouragement.
- Do not encourage children to perform actions that they are required to perform, such as cleaning their room. Otherwise, the children will think what they are doing you a favor.
Any standard applicable to absolutely all children, the rules of education does not exist. On the topic of education and care for children written hundreds of books. In one book, they will advise you to take the child in your arms as soon as he cries or cries, in the other that you don’t need to be taken, let him cry out, in the third one you’ll have to take and then put him in his bed again. How do you know how to do the right thing? Nowhere. You need to figure it out and decide for yourself. There are thousands of methods, aids and advice from the most famous psychologists and pediatricians, but only you can choose what really suits your child. All children are different, with their own characters, affections, preferences and talents, you, as a father, should see these differences and decide with your wife how to raise a child.
It does not say that all the advice you need to ignore. You just have to choose the right for you and the child. Personal experience will tell you how to act. Drop everything you feel unnatural. If it doesn’t fit you, it’s definitely not going to work for your child.
10. Enjoy communication with your child. Enjoy and appreciate this time.
Enjoy every moment with the child, the children grow very quickly, you will not have time to look back, and the adult son or daughter will give you advice and come only for a weekend. No one will erect a monument to you during life for selfless work at work, as a rule, there are no irreplaceable employees, but you yourself are irreplaceable as a loving spouse and father.
Try to understand what the child wants from you, perhaps the fuck is enough of your joint walks, cycling, and he does not expect expensive gifts and resort recreation. Take a day off or vacation to go with him to the park, museum, play football with his classmates in the schoolyard. Believe me, in old age you will not scold yourself with the words: “Oh, how little time I spent at work”. On the contrary, you will say "How little time I spent on children!"
11. Find time for a child. Find out what kids need most from their father.
Your child can be very proud of your professional achievements and rewards, but your attention is much more valuable than the material means you earn. Stay close to moments of joy and sadness of children, take time to play and intimate conversations, sincerely be interested in hobbies, affairs in kindergarten, school, university. Try to be frank too. Let you have only your joint activities, whether skating, football, or going to the theater.
If you are a very busy person, plan your week so that there is always time to communicate with your child. Even being far away on a business trip, be sure to call and communicate with the child.
Do not break the promises, if something from the planned does not work, still do not miss the opportunity to be together. Unable to go to the rink, go to the park to ride a sled.
Separate important moments of life for him, for a child there are no trivial problems and achievements. For each age they have their own. Today you will enjoy the first plasticine craft together, and very soon - the first school bell. Your child will remember your support for a lifetime, and then you will not regret about lost opportunities and time.
One of my friends said that the children are happy when dad just sleeps on the couch. Because "dad is at home." What happens when you are a little at home? They are trying to win your attention. And often they do it not at all as you would expect from them. There is a simple pattern - a child who spends a lot of time with his father has fewer problems in life. A child to whom his father did not spend time - more difficulties.
12. Take your children somewhere (with or without wife)
You can take your son on a fishing trip, or go with your daughter to the beach, or go on a camping trip with all the children. Such trips are not forgotten. Wherever you go, try to make it special and memorable and make interesting trips with children at least once a year.
Joint trips to the sea, the mountains, hiking and simple trips to the park unite, unite your family. Plan your vacation together so that your child can prepare and anxiously await the treasured day of the trip. Arrange an interesting leisure for your family, and your loved ones will be immensely grateful to you.
13. Be an example
Good parents are sure to become an example for their children. Remember, you are an authority, especially young children often consider your actions always right, and words unshakable.
It is difficult to inculcate good qualities and manners in a child, if you are not an example of them. If you want your son not to smoke and respectful of women, give up your addiction and show tenderness and love for your own spouse. Do not conflict with people, be polite and courteous, then your child will take this behavior as a model.
Treat the mother of your children with respect. If you are married to her, let the children know how you love her, appreciate and help her. If you neglect your wife, then your children may realize that it is normal to neglect mom and other people (because dad does).
Help your wife with the housework, give gifts, make compliments, in adult life the child will try to repeat the warm relationship, creating his own family.
Let your children see how you praise your wife and present her with the love and affection she deserves.
You should not only respect your wife, but also love her and do everything to make her happy. If the mother of the children is happy, then everyone is happy.
Never insult the mother of your child, even if you suddenly began to live apart, divorced, respond to her with due respect. Otherwise, you can confuse the children.
14. Try to give the child respect
Take time for your child, take care of him and his mother, be honest and fair. Let your actions cause delight and respect of the child, so that he would like to take an example from you, considered him an authority for himself.
If you do not spend time with children, do not educate them, shout at your wife, then children will not respect you simply for being their father. You must act in such a way that the children see that you are a role model and a person who deserves their admiration and respect.
Your children should not worship you and think that you are ideal - they must understand that you are an ordinary person who loves them very much.
15. Do not miss important events.
Remember that your participation in the lives of children, attendance at important events for them is very important and significant. Plan your time so as not to miss the matinees, the first line, the first bell, a child’s sporting events or his concert performances.
Your children will remember these moments for a lifetime, and your presence next to them will mean a lot to them.
Do not refer to employment and workload at work. Your children at the most important points life needs parental support and participation. Always find precious time just to be there, when the people most dear to you need it, in order not to regret lost opportunities.
16. Give the joy of communication
You do not have to show the wonders of fantasy and constantly impress your child with unusual games and activities. Your child just loves to be near you, chat, walk, build towers and sculpt from clay. Regular communication will allow you to understand children's problems, anxieties and fears, learn about dreams and affections.
- By communicating with children daily, you will learn what concerns them and how to help them;
- Do not limit the conversation conditional phrases, such as, "How are you? How is school? How are you? How was your day?". Often, people who ask such questions do not really want to know the answers to them;
- Often, adolescents try to protect themselves from their parents, without going into the details of their lives and relationships, nevertheless, be interested in the affairs of their young daughter or son, do not press or elicit details, just show that you care about what happens in their lives.
17. Take time for yourself
Do not think that a good father is all free time spends with the family. Despite the importance and necessity of communication, joint trips, walks and activities, you just need to devote time to yourself. Do not throw a hobby, cut out at least an hour of reading, sports, or any other activity that brings pleasure. Your child’s interests are incomparably higher than yours, but you shouldn’t forget about yourself.
The inability to relax, get a boost of energy will not give you the opportunity to bestow a child with attention with sincere joy, and maybe even lead.
Let your apartment or house be a special place that will become your personal space (a room or just a chair) in which you cannot be disturbed.
Help the children get used to the notion of “personal time” and explain to them that you are going to do something (if the children really do not need you at the moment).
18. Do not go to cry
Even if your children have brought you white-hot with their behavior and actions, do not get lost on them, you can’t call a cry the right decision for similar situations. You can let off steam alone, and with a child behave confidently and calmly. You can raise your voice a little to let the children know that they made a mistake, but if you scream at them, they will be afraid of you and will not want to communicate with you. Do not let yourself lose control in the presence of children. Control your emotions, you are an adult and experienced person.
19. Combine severity and expressions of love and care.
Behave yourself so that the child is aware of your authority, respects the decisions and requirements, exercise rigor. But at the same time, do not be stingy with feelings, a good dad not only knows how to punish and educate, but also knows how to make children understand that he loves them very much, appreciates and is always ready to listen and help.
Remember that excessive severity can break trustful intimate relationships, and too soft parenting can undermine respect for you.
20. Admit your mistakes
No one is perfect, and you are no exception. Even making mistakes, you can remain an example to your child. The recognition of his own mistakes, shortcomings will make him understand that everyone has the right to make mistakes. In fact, it is better if you are imperfect, so that the children understand that there are no perfect people and that everyone makes mistakes. Do not hesitate to apologize to the baby, if you forgot about the promised trip to the park, or behaved unrestrainedly and scolded him too much. Understanding their own mistakes and the ability to regret their deed develops character and communication skills much better than the desire to do everything perfectly.
By acknowledging mistakes in front of children, you let them know that acknowledging mistakes is normal; in the future they will admit their own mistakes.
21. Do housework if you want your children to help around the house too.
If you want children to share homework with your mother and you, then show them how you cope with it, help your wife. In the future, this will give the child the opportunity to understand that not only the mother should do all the household chores, and that everything in the family is done together.
22. Do not forget that times change
Your childhood passed in a completely different conditions and environment, and you should not demand from the child compliance with all the norms of the past. Of course, there are unshakable rules of morality and ethics, but do not forget that in the modern technological world, with social networks, public youth movements, everything is already somewhat different. You can be wild from the idea of intimate relationships to marriage, tattoos, piercing, traveling to distant countries with a minimum of money and living in hostels, but, nevertheless, give the children the opportunity to explore the world, express opinions, be free. Carefully direct them, advise, but do not push too much authority, referring to the experience and education.
23. Learn to understand when your children have difficult times.
To be a really good dad, pay attention when children have problems, difficulties, difficult times. Separate their feelings and emotions, calm and direct to a positive train of thought. Regardless of the degree of problems, whether it’s the son’s concerns about the control, or the young daughter’s problems with the boyfriend, try to discuss situations, sincerely show interest and care. Try to see the problem through the eyes of a child or teenager, because you were also young and inexperienced. Just saying, “I know you find it difficult. Do you want to talk about it? ”, You will let the children understand how you take care of them.
24. Respect the child's personality
Do not expect anything excessive from children. The child is under pressure from brothers, sisters, classmates, teachers, trainers. Help your child understand his / her desires and appreciate the possibilities and limitations. Help your child set achievable goals. Encourage them to realize themselves, but do not need to project your ambition on them and expect them to achieve what you yourself have achieved or hoped to achieve.
Do not decide for the child his fate, this is his way, and you can only advise and guide. Your son or daughter is not required to follow in your footsteps, to continue the family business, or to realize your dreams. Let them make mistakes themselves, dream and learn. Do not try to over-control them, respect the choice. You yourself grew quite differently, under different circumstances. In another family. Fashion, television, social networks - there's no way out of them, and you don't need to completely protect a child from all this. It is in your power to teach the child to understand what is good and what is bad, what can be done and what should be ignored. You may think that your path is the most correct path to happiness, but to be a good father, you must recognize that your children may have their own ideas about how to build their lives.
- Telling your children what to do and how to live, you simply undermine their independence, trying to control them.
- It will take time to understand the desires of your children. If you do not understand why your son wants to become an artist, then as you are a doctor, ask him to explain his desire to you and take time to listen carefully and understand his son.
- If you over-control your children, they will be unhappy and no longer trust you.
- Let the children make their own decisions; it will make them more independent. If you want to play football, do not insist on it - let the children choose the game they want to play at the moment.
25. You will never cease to be a father
Do not think that once a child is 21 years old or he graduated from university, you have already done your job. Although it is important to encourage children to become financially and emotionally independent, it is also important to let them know that you are worrying about them, are always ready to help them and appreciate them.
For your children, everything matters. Everything is remembered and remains in them. Your every hug, your every kiss, every time you wipe away their tears, buy them popcorn in the cinema - everything is important to them. Your kindness, your example, your jokes. Everything. You don’t have much time, and there is a very impressionable person nearby, for whom you are a role model. Their hero. Show them your life how to live. When he grows up, you will be surprised how much you have in common. After all, he always wanted to be like Dad.
- Be patient in everything you do for children.
- Always listen to children.
- Speak directly with the children, do not hint.
- Always support your words with actions; never tell the child "Do what I say, not what I do."
- The purpose of punishing a child is to show him that his behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable. The use of force to achieve this goal is unacceptable (regardless of the child’s age). Often, other approaches, such as depriving a child of something valuable, are more effective and do not affect the child’s self-esteem and respect for you as a parent. Learning what is good and what is bad is a process. And penalties that can lead to short-term results can have negative consequences in the long run.
- Support the child in time.