When they say that this mother is good and that one is bad, they rather talk about stereotypes than about reality. Are there any criteria for a good mother? And what does " bad mother»?
Since everything is relative in this world, it would rather be correct to say that there are mothers with whom it is good for children, and there are mothers with whom it is bad. And there are women who are absent as mothers in their children. In each case, there are positives and negative aspects.
So, in more detail about each case.
“A good mother is one who loves, cares, does not beat and does not scream” - this is at least in the obedient list of “good mother”.
But if this love is so much that the mother does not notice how she does everything for the child, she anticipates any of his wishes and immediately realizes it, everything allows. Such an attitude to the child makes him untenable, independent in life, but overly selfish and despotic. He is like a weak, blind kitten, does not evaluate the situation, does not make decisions, does not even know how to really want something, and therefore does not set goals and does not reach them. Now and then he cries and cries.
What if this concern is so much so that the child suffocates from it. No step without mom. Mom knows how to be and what to do. The child cannot breathe freely. From such care gravity, burden, and the child can literally suffocate. This explains the nature of asthma from the perspective of psychosomatics.
Does not beat, does not scream, although she herself is already on edge. The child sees insincerity, ceases to trust. Worse: he says that he does not love him when he behaves badly, calls the child bad, compares it with other children - he devalues the personality of his crumbs. Brings up emotional cold. “Don't come near me. Your behavior is terrible. ” A child is harder a thousand times any punishment. Blackmail or bribery brings up the duplicity of man.
What then? Not to love? Do not care? Scream and beat?
Of course not.
To love, to love and to love. But giving the child a choice, the right to want and make decisions. This is how faith in a child, in its viability and self-sufficiency is manifested.
Care.
With trepidation, to take care and be ready at some moment to accept with understanding the refusal of the child to care. An example with humor, but in which many people recognize themselves: the mother calls the child home: “Sasha, go home. You already want to eat, ”“ No, Mom, I want to write, ”the child answers. Only the child knows what he needs here and now, how it will be better for him. And if he chose to fall, then he needed this lesson.
To beat, to shout is not something that cannot be, it does not help ... After all, these parental methods are our own inconsistency and despair. We just break down. The child needs to be explained, to bring our speech with a request or a ban to his realization: why he needs it or not. And if you broke? Ask forgiveness for a child. Everyone has the right to make a mistake. And even parents. Then the child will see in you a living person, with emotions and feelings. And not a robot, working on the program "can / not."
What say about the bad mother?
She does not pay attention to the child. This is bad, because the child will grow emotionally cold. But there is a positive side to this, as she teaches him independence.
She leads a wrong lifestyle. Of course, bad - a bad example to follow. But at the same time she is sincere in her love and this can block everything.
This, of course, is not an end in itself. It just happens - this is life. And to find in it everyone’s worth.
There are mothers who do not have children: they work, work and work, and children with nannies, in gardens, etc. If the mother does not see anything besides the work and she does not notice the child, then she is not there either. But if she, even for an hour in which there is the joy of communication, devotes her beloved child, this is the best that she can give. This is cooler than a day with an irritated mother tired of a child.
There are disturbing mothers who are afraid for children. This is a distrust of the possibility and strength of the child. The child also grows with fears. And he is madly in love with mom.
How will it be good then?
1. Good with those mom / dad who love the child and tell him about it.
2. Well with those parents who believe in the child, then they give the right to choose, the right to make a mistake.
3. It is good when a child is trusted, then he bears responsibility for his actions himself.
4. Good with those parents who know how to understand and accept the child, his needs, motives and actions.
5. Well, where sincerity in feelings and thoughts is emotional comfort and reliability.
Raising love and trust, faith in the best qualities of the child. And only this will be good.
Good mother and bad mother.
When confronted with the problem of tormenting you and eating up morally, but you cannot resolve it yourself, anger and a disguised sense of justice boil up: why am I the only one with such difficulties ?! And only after some time, when you find a solution by trial and error, you suddenly come across an article, the one that could be life-saving, but a little late to show up. I would really like you to find this material at the right time, and that it will certainly help you!
“I’m a bad mom!” ... “I'm breaking on my little one” ... I started such topics on the forum and heard in response both words of condemnation and words of support, which also did not comfort me, ?? they say it happens to everyone. And those and others can be understood. For someone like children? absolute wildness, and someone himself is not without sin.
Listen to the mom who coped with the emotions. I found her late, but her story made it even sharper for me, for my mother with a similar past.
The bad good mom
My God, how I envy moms who are bright on their own! They get a lot of pleasure from communicating with their children, know how to manage their emotions, never raise their voices and raise their hands on a child. I do not belong to them. And I know firsthand about the “bad mother” complex. Unfortunately, it didn’t originate in me from scratch and took not the most innocent forms.
On the way to the ideal
This is not usually talked about, because it is embarrassing ... I have sinned because I often raised my voice, or even screamed at the children. The situation peaked during my third pregnancy. By the time I realized that something had to be done about it, my daughters were afraid to step “wrong” once more, and the older one began to ask: “Mom, do you love me?”
And I felt so creepy! Each time, screaming at the children or slapping some of them in their hearts, I then sobbed and asked forgiveness from the girls. Once I had a dream that the eldest daughter had already grown and reminds me of a case of undeserved insult.
I realized that NO ONE besides myself would help me. And she began the long journey of overcoming herself, the path to her ideal Mother. I so wanted to be a Good, Loving Mom again!
Time to understand yourself
I realized that if everything continued in the same way, I would lose the trust of my children forever. But, if I speak about it, if I myself understand that this is not normal, it means that I am not hopeless and have a chance to correct everything. So the husband told me.
Why did the sweet, kind woman, like all my relatives knew, turn into a hysterical nervous person who reacts to every little thing with tears or a cry? I know. Constant lack of sleep, lack of help from loved ones (husband at work from morning to evening), household chores that nobody has canceled, daughters requiring attention. At the same time, one starts to starve me, the second shows character, and no persuasion helps. I think many mothers have been through this. But some adequately cope with such a crisis, while others, like me, begin to drown in their emotions. It delays like a funnel. You understand that you are doing something terrible, but you cannot stop yourself. You scream, baby is angry, you scream even more, baby cries, do you start crying ?? vicious circle. You are carried into the abyss, and in fact it is. Because if you don’t say “STOP!” In time, the worst can happen.
The last straw of my nightmare was a discussion of this topic on the Internet, which I read while my daughters slept during the day. There, the current mothers, who are 20 ?? 35 years old, told how they were beaten in childhood (both morally and physically) and how they became after that. Most of them DON'T FORGIVE their parents.
Understanding that there is a difference between a beating (read ?? domestic violence) and a slap on the pope or a cry, when there was not enough strength to hold back, did not bring relief. I cried and could not stop. Only one thought pierced me: really, and I will become the same shrew ?!
The husband, who returned home from work, listened to another portion of my sufferings and asked: "How can I help you?"
I answered: “ANY help is now useful to me!”
Success algorithm
Now about the most important thing. That helps me to become a NORMAL, ADEQUATE person. Perhaps this kind of action program will help someone else.
Time for yourself. If possible, you need to involve all available family members in the help. Use the time available for rest, at least sleep an extra hour ?? it is necessary in order to remain calm.
Morning should be good. Every day I start by hugging and kissing my children. This is the result of tremendous mental work. At one time, I was very scared when I felt that I wanted to hide from everyone in the far corner, and my daughter, who came to hug me, said: “Please don't touch me, I hate it.” Most likely, it was a neurosis. I began to fight him.
Output negative energy. Instead of throwing out the negative on the children, you can beat the pillow, tear a piece of paper, go into another room and beat the wall. Let the bones on the arms hurt later, but it is immediately clear how it hurts the child.
Deterrent factors. For me, this is, first of all, a husband. With him, I often keep myself in hand. When he is not at home, and I feel that the “attack” is not far off, then ... I take the youngest child in my arms. With him, I never raise my voice because I'm afraid to scare. Very helpful and walking ?? on the street, I usually do without disruption.
Water. She "washes away" all negative emotions. If possible, you need to go to the shower or take a bath. I usually just start washing dishes. In this case, even if someone continues his “illegal” actions, I have time to calm down and react less acutely.
Valerian. You can use any other sedative, not contraindicated in breastfeeding. I drink Persen.
Communication The parental forum on one of the women's sites helps me a lot. The beauty of virtual communication is that in the forum or in personal correspondence you can discuss what is not always told even to the closest. It turns out something like support groups in difficult situations.
Specialist assistance. For myself, this option, I postponed in case of emergency, if nothing else helps.
Sometimes a person needs a shock to realize what is happening. But one will shake it up, and the other will go and lay hands on themselves out of despair.
In fact, this problem is much more serious and deeper than I tried to imagine. But things got off the ground. Today, for example, I managed my irritation. And tomorrow (I believe in it!) I will manage to achieve more.
It is important to find something that will help. It is important to understand the inadmissibility of their behavior and to look for ways to correct it. All mothers who are faced with a similar problem should be remembered: they undoubtedly love their children and are able to become Good! As for my personal experience, he poured out in such verses:
When my volcano wakes again,
When I'm breaking my cry for the hundredth time,
Let my heavy hand
Otsohnet, and I die at the same moment.
And at that very moment I will take a deep breath.
Let it be more painful to me a hundred times,
Like a spell, one truth
I say: my child is not to blame!
When I get scared of mine
Doubt, I will ask myself seriously:
Can I even live a day without them?
Without their palms, eyes, flaxen hair?
How easy is that ?? appreciate every day
After all, every day can be the last.
We are connected by a thin thread
And no one break it.
Evgenia Sosnina (Mother and Baby Magazine, No. 5, 2005)
Thanks to all the moms who are not afraid to say that they are ashamed, that they can judge, that not everyone can understand and forgive. And to you, who are reading this article, I want to say how a mother with a stigma breaks down, everything can be overcome, the main thing is to be determined.
Often there are situations in which newly minted moms or mothers with experience sadly admit: “I feel bad mom". One should immediately make a reservation: a person who has thoughts that he is bad is not one.
We all know the truth that a stupid person never admits that he is stupid. And if a mother analyzes and experiences, where and in what she could be wrong, reproaches herself for shortcomings, then she is a good mother who knows how to admit mistakes and will definitely try to correct herself in the future.
Causes of Negative Thoughts
This feeling of insolvency arises in different cases:
- when mothers are angry that the baby does not calm down for a long time and cries;
- when a child is scolded at school for behavior;
- when mothers are forced to leave their baby with another person for a while;
- when mothers break down and scream at the child, or even spank him a little;
- when children start to be rude to their parents, etc.
Constantly crying baby can make a bad mom feel like almost every woman
Similar thoughts, the so-called bad mother’s complex, are inherent in almost all women without exception who have children. Some newly appeared mothers sometimes even get some rejection of their offspring: they do not realize that their baby is really their baby.
Often, such thoughts of their failure as a mother come to those women who “help” to take care of the younger generation. They will surely tell you, modern blends, the latest techniques education. Mother in law or native mother they will remember how they brought up their children, that they didn’t have any unpleasant situations, that they never fell through on others or a child.
If the help of your older relatives is only to criticize your behavior, try to protect yourself from communicating with them. Otherwise, they will not only inspire you that you are a worthless mother, but in general they will lower your self-esteem.
How to deal with it?
All these negative thoughts are a la " i think i'm a bad mom”Which sometimes interfere with communicating with children and raising them properly, gradually disappear. But if you have a feeling of your insolvency as a mother was delayed, try the following recommendations, which help many women who are faced with similar problems:
- Have a rest
- Ask for help
- Allocate time exclusively for yourself.
- If necessary, take a sedative.
- Count to 10
- Treat life positively!
Yes, there are always many responsibilities on the shoulders of mothers that are connected not only with the baby: cleaning, cooking, washing, etc. In order to have time for all this, you need to hire a housekeeper, and often there is no money for this. Therefore, sometimes let your husband prepare his own breakfast, postpone cleaning up the apartment until better times, etc., and sleep at this time yourself.
It is more pleasant for a child to be with a kind and rested mom, even if some things with the whole family have not been ironed for a week, than with a tense, always-on-board mom, but with a sterile apartment and order in everything.
If you do not cope, do not hesitate to ask for help close relatives, neighbors, free girlfriends, etc. And it may not be a request to sit with the child, but, for example, go to the store for the right products or pick up your coat from dry cleaning.
It does not take a lot of time from your friends, but you will not be able to strain at least for such petty reasons. And the life of moms, in addition to taking care of the child, consists of trifles.
Monotonous activities and affairs 24 hours a day, anyone will be driven into depression. Therefore, leave the child to grandmothers, girlfriends or husband (and drive away the thought that he is a bad father and will not cope), and go ahead: play sports, English, embroidery, dance, etc. Think of a useful business, pay for it in advance and then you definitely will not miss a single lesson.
Now there are drugs that can be taken by nursing mothers - they have no effect on the baby. This is usually herbal-based products. Before taking any medication is better to consult a doctor.
Psychologists advise this technique to anyone who needs to calm down. Even if yours, and for a long time already, and you cannot calm him down in any way, do not “boil”. Leave for a couple of minutes in the kitchen or in the corridor and count to 10. The child will still cry, and this time will help you to calm down, to take himself in hand and not to do something silly.
It is difficult, especially when something does not work, but imagine how surprised your child is when you just laugh at his remark about a forgotten diary and tell you how you once forgot not only the diary, but also the shift, and notebooks , and even "head".
Know the main thing: there are no perfect people, like ideal mothers. It is important to try to be perfect only for your children, and not for the whole world. Children value love, not universally accepted ideals.
There are a number of conclusions about the dangers of detergent cosmetics. Unfortunately, not all newly-made moms listen to them. In 97% shampoos, the hazardous substance Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS) or its analogues is used. Many articles have been written about the effects of this chemistry on the health of both children and adults. At the request of our readers, we tested the most popular brands.
The results were disappointing - the most publicized companies showed the presence of those most dangerous components. In order not to violate the legal rights of manufacturers, we cannot name specific brands. The company Mulsan Cosmetic, the only one who passed all the tests, successfully received 10 points out of 10 (see). Each product is made from natural ingredients, completely safe and hypoallergenic.
If you doubt the naturalness of your cosmetics, check the expiration date, it should not exceed 10 months. Come carefully to the choice of cosmetics, it is important for you and your child.
UNIDAL MOM
Mistakes made by a mother do not make her a monster at all. How to stop suffering and start living?
Loss of patience
The cat has a mournful bald patch on the back of its neck, the contents of flower pots are picked out and scattered around the room, the child refuses to dress, screams and stomps his feet. After some time, you already shout and stomp your feet. Sometimes you can even slap him - the nerves are foully handed over. After 15 minutes of a typhoon and a hurricane, you repent of everything at once and experience a monstrous disappointment in yourself. Now, no one will put you "excellent" for the development of educational methods. They say that by the third child the nerves become iron, but we still need to live to see it. In the meantime, you just monstrously ashamed.
The senses. You have lost patience and felt helpless. Anger subsided; shame, guilt and horror came to replace him, especially if the child rolled in a roar after your release of emotions. Your way. You rush to apologize, to blow on your ass slaughtered, roar with the baby or roar secretly from him. Are you a bad mother? Usually a slap is preceded by a behavior that can be described as "unbelted." Coming out of the image of “always calm mommy”, you simply marked the boundaries of the forbidden child, expressing your utter disapproval. This is normal, more than that - necessary. In this way, the world acquires a clearer outline for children, because a child who does not know the limitations sometimes feels anxious. You are guided by absolutely correct motives, just the method chosen is not entirely successful - too sharp and loud. Of course, there are better methods, but what you have done is not a crime at all.
The reaction of the child. He is strangled by resentment, fear, anger and aggression, at this moment the child may even wipe in response. In this case, firmly grab his hand, but do not punish. The most important thing: the child understands that he was stopped.
Another way. No violently expressed emotions have such an educational effect as a sudden cessation or change in the style of communication with a child. If you want to learn not to approve the behavior of the baby correctly, you can do exactly the opposite - not to shout, but to shut up. At a critical moment, simply stop touching the child, call him by name, or turn away. The coldness of a loving mother acts very effectively. But - attention! - there are situations when slap is not enough. Therefore, stop reproaching yourself - you are a normal mother, and it is likely that your reaction to the incident was optimal.
The necessary phrase. When you put up, do not forget to tell the kid: "I love you very much, but when you did it, I was very angry." In case you slapped him, apologize for reconciliation: "Forgive me, please, I did not know how else to stop you."
Hidden emotions
The saddest and most harmful delusion, characteristic especially for young mothers, is to assume that you are a vessel of universal patience and boundless tenderness. You are sure that even in the case when the child has greatly irritated you, it is necessary to keep the gentle intonation in the conversation with him. Refusing to broadcast to the world what you really feel, you lock in all negative emotions inside. Psychologists call this behavior non-congruence, in other words, an inadequate expression of their own experiences.
The senses. You are torn apart in two "bad" emotions and fear of losing your own image of a "good mommy."
Your way. In this case, it is not. You wanted to express your dissatisfaction abruptly, but instead you restrained yourself and, smiling, babbled something like: “Petenka, sweetheart, put father's tie in place, do not cut it with scissors.” And the second time they said. And the third. In the fourth, your smile looked like a grin, and your tie turned into a pile of rags. Are you a bad mother? When your “vessel of universal tenderness” overwhelms anger and irritation, but you firmly believe that you should not feel this, you begin to lie to your own child, hiding from him the true emotions. Thus, your real “badness” is that you give your child incorrect, distorted feedback. To be incongruent means to lie with your voice, with the expression of your face and gestures about your real experiences.
The reaction of the child. Perplexity He feels that you disapprove of him, but he cannot understand why you have the same voice in this case as you did when you praise him. He will cut the tie with scissors until he gets the truth from you: either you firmly and calmly stop it, or you explode. And the more stubbornly you strive to make everything around look like cotton candy, the worse example you give your child: sooner or later he will also decide that true emotions should be masked under something completely opposite.
Another way. Expressing your disapproval does not mean entering into conflict or scaring your child with dislike. Anger should be expressed as anger, disapproval should be expressed as disapproval. You have the right to get angry and speak in an “unkind” voice; moreover, you are obliged to give the child true feedback. This will make you a really good mom.
The necessary phrase. Pronounced for myself and myself: “I have the right to be angry, my child has the right to know about it.”
Uniting with a husband against a child
Anya loves chips and is ready to eat their boxes. You stop it, and dad willingly allows. In the mornings, Anya must make the bed: her father demands that this be done, and you let her daughter leave everything as it is. In fact, it is impossible to be so strict with a child!
Congratulations, there is a dual power in your family. You allow, your husband forbids, and vice versa.
The senses. Helplessness and irritation from the constant confrontation spouse. Gloating, if you understand that your coalition with a child is stronger than combining a child with his father. In addition, you feel a constant anxiety, because you know - this scheme does not benefit you or your husband or your beloved heir. At the same time, when you do decide to act as a single parental front, you immediately begin to consider yourself a hard-hearted traitor.
Your way. Instead of agreeing with your husband or even giving him an example of unanimity, by supporting his order, you persuade yourself that the child is small and two adults against a tiny baby is too much. Am I a bad mother? In healthy families, coalitions are inevitably formed according to the principle “parents vs child”. Healthy-minded father and mother do not share the pedagogical power, but dispose of it in collusion. Any cancellation of prohibitions or indulgences set by the other party, says only one thing: the child has become a means for your games. And at the same time - in the manipulator, clearly knowing that the pope will cancel his mother's ban or vice versa.
You solve your personal, and sometimes even intimate, problems with your husband, using the child as a bargaining chip and as an argument. Most often this happens when the spouses have violated direct communication, when the family has a taboo on clarifying relationships, and consequently, on both sides, emotional trust has been lost. In this case, the child performs the function of the hollow, in which his father and mother put little notes with the only phrase - “you are bad” - facing the partner. In general, what can we say, both you and your spouse are obviously not coping with the problem. ” co-education”That naturally does not benefit your parental reputation.
The reaction of the child. The kid rushes from one adult to another in search of solid rules - and does not find them. In the end, he has nothing left but to gain from your dual power: indeed, he cannot behave more maturely than his parents.
Another way. Talk to your husband, in what requirements for the child you will be a united front. Find at least one match. Make concessions and support the second adult side where you usually denied it.
The right phrase: “Dad thinks you need to make your bed every morning. He said that you would grow up as a careful person, and I agree with him. ”
Lack of time
You plow like an ox, and you have not only time, but also strength. You leave - the child is still asleep, come - already asleep. Or even worse: you go home, the baby happily rushes to you, and you are ready to cry, because you can only hug him, and nothing more. You are not at his matinees in kindergarten, you miss the birthdays of his buddies and you can’t even answer the question to which he can count.
The senses. Guilt in front of the child, hopelessness, helplessness and fear of forever losing contact with the baby. You are incredibly jealous of non-working mothers.
Your way. Hugging a child tightly, you apologize apologetically that you will not get to him for the holiday again, you lament that you cannot stay with him, because you have to earn money. You are afraid to punish and scold him, because you are sure that you have no rights to such behavior. Am I a bad mother? A real child suffers when his mother is emotionally unavailable or unpredictable for him. You can be emotionally inaccessible, and sitting at home 24 hours a day. This means - to ignore everything the child says, to pay the minimum necessary attention to him, to perceive himself as a function of ensuring his feeding and security - and that’s all.
The reaction of the child. If you are buried in the awareness of your own guilt, the baby also experiences something like this: “Wasn’t it me that the reason why my mother lives so hard and hard?”
Another way. First, tell the child that you are a happy person, because you have two riches: he and his favorite (good) job. Secondly, be open for the baby - set the time at which you belong to him without restrictions (for example, if you go somewhere with him, turn off the mobile). Talk with your child not formally, but with interest and attention. If you have been busy at work for weeks, be available at least by phone (at a specific time). And in those hours that you spend at home, you belong to the whole chad. Tell him about everything in the world, but the main thing is about your work so that he feels himself not opposed to her, but involved. You do not cope with maternal responsibilities, not because the work eats up all your time, but because you allowed her to absorb yourself emotionally.
The necessary phrase: "I will not have time to bake you a cake tomorrow at the fair, but now we will buy the finished one, decorate it with berries, let's call it our own way, and it will be the best!"
1. Talk to the child that he is bad. Locate the problem! You are not satisfied with himself, but with his behavior at the moment.
2. Set conditions for the manifestation of their own feelings. Forever remove from the vocabulary the phrase "I don't love you anymore," "you behaved badly - I will leave you forever." You put your baby in front of an unsolvable and unbearable problem for him: the loss of you and your love. Know that he will believe you unconditionally. Such an internal installation of the child is unlikely to allow you to ever feel like a really good mom.
3. Being held hostage by feelings of guilt. This will pull along with ingratiating, unnatural intonations, heighten your baby’s anxiety and reinforce it in the feeling that something is wrong here.
4. Skip matinees, competitions and performances. A child whose parents did not come to cheer for him feels abandoned, lonely and useless.
5. To lead pedagogical discussions with your spouse during a child: this is your “parent” kitchen. The kid must be sure that absolute agreement prevails between his parents.
6. Give opposite feedback on the same actions of the child. That is, if at home you show him dissatisfaction with uncleaned toys, then on the street - in the sandbox - he should collect them on his own. To scold a child when no one sees you, and to keep silent in public is a double standard, the meaning of which the child simply cannot.
Hello! The mother of two children, a daughter of 4.5 years and a son of 4 months, is writing to you. I have a problem here, I think that I have a prolonged postpartum depression, and not 4 months, but 4 years, that is. from the very birth of the first child! I did not notice that before giving birth and in general, before marriage, that is, at the time of a carefree youth, I experienced some psychological and psychological difficulties. My husband and I began to live together. When we were 20 years, at first, simply in a civil marriage, and I almost immediately became pregnant. We both were happy about it. I considered the whole pregnancy that I would be a very good and patient mother. As soon as I left the maternity hospital with the child, almost on the second day I began to experience nervousness, I wanted to cry, even then I realized that this is a postpartum Vai depression. My husband was constantly at work, we lived in a dormitory at that time, so we felt some inconvenience, although the neighbors were good. I accompanied my husband to work at 7 am, but did not go to bed, but ran to wash the diapers (we didn’t have a washing machine), cook , I was cleaning, so I wanted to do everything while my daughter was sleeping. I know many young mothers are alike in this, while the child is sleeping, you do not rest, but try to redo everything so that your husband is happy and fed, the child is clean, dry and fed, and what mom? From the morning there was no dewdrop in the mouth, I didn’t have time to comb my hair, I'm not talking about wearing makeup and looking attractive for my husband! And naturally, he also wants attention and caress. But at the end of the day I felt driven a horse, without strength or any emotions! Only longing and a great desire to cry or run away from home! So my depression and ate me from the inside for weeks and months. I wanted to be helped, but any comments and advice from Relatives only annoyed me. The fact is that our parents live in other Goy area, but 2 aunts of the husband live not far from us. Of course, we sometimes left our daughter with them, chose somewhere. When the daughter turned 4 or 5 months, my husband and I began to swear often, so much so that we almost dispersed, He even took me back to my parents. But somehow everything worked out, and we still lived, but scandals happened quite often ... It turned out that they left our daughter in 2.5 years to be raised by my parents, and went to work in the city, but every week we visited our daughter, I was very depressed and hard at heart, that I could not be good for her I remember the moments when we were still living together, and it happened that I broke my anger on her, quite small, and it made me even worse. I tried to restrain myself, but every little thing displeased me, and all these nerves were poured on my daughter. It so happened that I was not quite good mother and now my daughter is not growing up with us. So she lived with her grandmother and grandfather for 1.5 years, and as soon as I had a second child, we took her to me, so that I immediately got used to my brother and was not jealous. To my great joy, my daughter is very loves his brother! But fresh postpartum was added to my inveterate depression, and then two more children, washing, cooking, cleaning, raising a daughter, caring for a small ... I completely ceased to like me, because I care about my appearance, Understandably, I didn’t have enough time. And I began to fall for my daughter again! I just hate it for this, I reproach and condemn! Maybe I just lost the habit of it for 1.5 years, especially the younger child demanded more attention. I was angry with my daughter for noise, disobedience and other trifles, and then I was angry with myself and cried. Am I really not going to be a good mother? I'm afraid to ask myself, but do I love my son more than my daughter? I write and tears in my throat ... She's not to blame for my mental problems. I never discussed my husband with this, I'm afraid he will not understand, he will consider it a whim. I do not hesitate to go to a psychologist, and there is no one to leave the children to. With our husband, too, something is smooth, then scandal it’s terrible. It happens, he tells me so much that he cuts to tears, and this of course leaves an imprint on my shattered nerves again ... In general, you can endlessly write about problems, but I just don’t know how to solve it all? How to learn to control your aggression? I cannot take a sedative — I breastfeed. One day I can be a good and calm mother and wife, but any little thing can disturb me, and again I get nervous and angry at everyone, and then I hate myself ... What should I do? I am bad Mother and wife? Why did my children get such an I?